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The Aristocrats thread

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The Aristocrats thread

Postby Infliction » Mar 13th, '07, 22:21

If anyone hasnt heard a version of this joke, SEARCH IT UP! Quite possibly the most famous, raunchiest joke of all time, and is always different. I heard Chevy Chase would hold parties at his house with other comedians and they would see who could go the longest. Theres also a DVD of various famous comedians performing this joke.


This is the thread where you post versions you enjoyed of this joke, in text, audio or video (as long as its not acted out :p ) or hell, even make your own versions. Heres one to start it off.



A man walks into a talent agent's office, and says, "We're a family act, and we'd like you to represent us."
The agent says, "Sorry, I don't represent family acts. They're a little too old-fashioned."
The man says, "But this is really special."
The agent says, "Okay, well what's the act?"
He replies, "Well, my wife and I come out on stage and she begins to sing the Star Spangled Banner while I take her roughly from behind. After a minute of this, my kids come out and begin to do the same, but my daughter's singing the original To Anacreon in Heaven lyrics while my son performs anal sex on her."
The agent looks uncomfortable, but the man continues, "Just when my daughter hits the highest note in the song, my son and I switch partners. He turns my wife around and gives her a Dirty Sanchez before having her perform oral sex on him. When the song's over and we're both getting close, we all stop and lie down on the stage."
The man smiles fondly as he recalls, "This is the best part: our dog then comes out on the stage, and he's trained to lick each one of us to orgasm in turn. He just goes right down the line, looking as happy as can be! We all get up and take a bow."
He looks at the agent and says, "Well, that's the act. What do you think?"
The agent just sits in silence for a long time. Finally, he manages, "That's a hell of an act. What do you call yourselves?"
"The Aristocrats!"
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Postby D@vid » Mar 13th, '07, 22:27

i fucking made this thread a while ago but nobody knew what i was talkin about i guess. heres one. i found a site with a bunch of them






A family walks into a talent agency. It's a father, mother, son, daughter and dog. The father says to the talent agent, "We have a really amazing act. You should represent us."

The agent says, "Sorry, I don't represent family acts. They're a little too cute."

The mother says, "Sir, if you just see our act, we know you would want to represent us."

The agent says, "OK. OK. I'll take a look."


the mother rips off the clothing of the daughter and begins to giver her a rimjob while having her son and father proceed to wip em out and fuck her pussy and ass at the same time then the father proceeds to pour beer in her ass and pussy while the son fucks the pussy completely fucking the mom up all good like whom is being quite aggressive in her rim job of the daughter which turns from licking her ass to bitting the ass entirely. the daughter then shits all over the mom whom throws the shit all over the son and father resulting in a big shit fight all the while the dog (whom has been trained to fight terrorists) sees them with the shit and cum all over the place thinks it osama and his family and then proceeds to bite the cock off the father then shit it back on his mutilated groin area, all the while the son,mom and daughter run wildly impersonating Arabs after an explosion in Iraq , then the dog jumps all over the mom and shoves its little dog cock up her ass while the mom proceeds to give the son a handjob. Now imagine the scene the agents watching. a dad with a mutilated and shitty penis and mom giving her son a blowjob while taking it in the ass from a dog and a daughter with bite marks all over her ass but then he blows a load all over his pants then the daughter comes over and licks it all up then the dog decides to fuck her in the ass while the mom shits all over the sons dick. the agent shocked says "STOP"!

For the longest time, the agent just sits in silence. Finally, he manages, "That's a hell of an act. What do you call it?"

And the father says, "The Aristocrats!"
Life is just one big lesson
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Postby Infliction » Mar 13th, '07, 23:54

ahahahahhaha that was so nasty lmao. How do people not know about the aristocrats?! I really want to see the movie, Robin Williams does a version, im dying to hear it

And my bad for posting this again, I didnt kno u made one man
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Postby D@vid » Mar 14th, '07, 00:44

thats cool that u posted this, i don't care. i saw the movie, it was kinda boring cuz it was the same dirty joke over and over again and a lot of comedians i never heard of talking about different ways to approach the joke. bob saget does it the best i think. hes one dirty motherfucker
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Postby Infliction » Mar 14th, '07, 03:40

hahaha sweet
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