6 reasons you should think before you speak

by **C-Game** » Jul 3rd, '07, 17:17

> >
> >
> >FIRST TESTIMONY: I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three
> >kids in tow and asked Loudly, "How much do you charge for a shampoo and
> >a blow job?" I turned around and walked back out and never went back.
> >My husband didn't say a word...he knew better.
> >
> >
> >
> >SECOND TESTIMONY: I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of
> >golf balls. I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After
> >browsing for several minutes, I was approached by one of the
> >good-looking gentlemen who worked at the store. He asked if he could
> >help me. Without thinking, I looked at him and said, "I think I like
> >playing with men's balls".
> >
> >
> >
> >THIRD TESTIMONY: My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store
> >that sold a variety of candy and nuts. As we were looking at the
> >display case, the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help. I
> >replied, "No, I'm just looking at your nuts." My sister started to
> >laugh hysterically. The boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked
> >away. To this day,my sister has never let me forget.
> >
> >
> >
> >FOURTH TESTIMONY: While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler
> >decided to release some pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able
> >to grab hold of her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from
> >other patrons. I told her that if she did not start behaving "right
> >now" she would be punished. To my horror, she looked me in the eye and
> >said in a voice just as threatening, "If you don't let me go right now,
> >I will tell Grandma that I saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!"
> >The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange. Even the
> >tellers stopped what they were doing. I mustered up the last of my
> >dignity and walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow. The last
> >thing I heard when the door closed behind me, were screams of laughter.
> >
> >
> >
> >FIFTH TESTIMONY: Have you ever asked your child a question too many
> >times?
> >
> >
> >
> >My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I
> >was on him constantly. One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick
> >lunch, in between errands. It was very busy, with a full dining room.
> >While enjoying my taco, I smelled something funny, so of course I
> >checked my seven-month-old daughter, she was clean. Then I realized
> >that Danny had not asked to go potty in a while. I asked him if he
> >needed to go, and he said "No". I kept thinking "Oh Lord, that child
> >has had an accident, and I don't have any clothes with me." Then I
> >said, "Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?"
> >
> >
> >
> >"No," he replied. I just KNEW that he must have had an accident, because
> >the smell was getting worse. Soooooo, I asked one more time, "Danny did
> >you have an accident? This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants,
> >bent over, spread his cheeks and yelled "SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!"
> >While 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing, he
> >calmly pulled up his pants and sat down. An old couple made me feel
> >better, thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had!
> >
> >
> >
> >LAST BUT NOT LEAST TESTIMONY: This had most of the state of Michigan
> >laughing for 2 days and a very embarrassed female news anchor who will,
> >in the future, likely think Before she speaks.
> >
> >
> >
> >What happens when you predict snow but don't get any! We had a female
> >news anchor that, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and
> >didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked:
> >
> >
> >
> >"So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?"
> >
> >
> >
> >Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too they
> >were laughing so hard!
> >
> >
> >
> >Now, didn't that feel good? Pass it on to someone you know who needs a
> >laugh and remember we all say things we don't really mean.
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >