A collection of amusing questions and responses from real court hearings
Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July fifteen.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.
---------------------------------------------------
Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
---------------------------------------------------
Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
A: Yes.
Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?
---------------------------------------------------
Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years.
---------------------------------------------------
Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that morning?
A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.
---------------------------------------------------
Q: And where was the location of the accident?
A: Approximately milepost 499.
Q: And where is milepost 499?
A: Probably between milepost 498 and 500.
---------------------------------------------------
Q: Sir, what is your IQ?
A: Well, I can see pretty well, I think.
---------------------------------------------------
Q: Did you blow your horn or anything?
A: After the accident?
Q: Before the accident.
A: Sure, I played for ten years. I even went to school for it.
---------------------------------------------------
Q: Trooper, when you stopped the defendant, were your red and blue lights flashing?
A: Yes.
Q: Did the defendant say anything when she got out of her car?
A: Yes, sir.
Q: What did she say?
A: What disco am I at?
---------------------------------------------------
Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about
it until the next morning?
---------------------------------------------------
Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?
---------------------------------------------------
Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?
---------------------------------------------------
Q: Was it you or your younger brother who was killed in the war?
---------------------------------------------------
Q: Did he kill you?
---------------------------------------------------
Q: How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision?
---------------------------------------------------
Q: You were there until the time you left, is that true?
---------------------------------------------------
Q: How many times have you committed suicide?
---------------------------------------------------
Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
A: Yes.
Q: And what were you doing at that time?
---------------------------------------------------
Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?
---------------------------------------------------
Q: You say the stairs went down to the basement?
A: Yes.
Q: And these stairs, did they go up also?
--------------------------------------------------
Q: Mr. Slatery, you went on a rather elaborate honeymoon, didn't you?
A: I went to Europe, Sir.
Q: And you took your new wife?
---------------------------------------------------
Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?
---------------------------------------------------
Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q: Was this a male, or a female?
---------------------------------------------------
Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice
which I sent to your attorney?
A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
---------------------------------------------------
Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
---------------------------------------------------
Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
A: Oral.
---------------------------------------------------
Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an
autopsy.
---------------------------------------------------
Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
---------------------------------------------------
Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began
the autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?
A: It is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.
---------------------------------------------------
Q: You were not shot in the fracas?
A: No, I was shot midway between the fracas and the navel.
"What People Say In Court"
22 posts
• Page 1 of 2 • 1, 2
"What People Say In Court"
by ThomasAguanis » Mar 28th, '07, 02:13
B.K.A. The King of Kale A.K.A. The Superfood Sensai
I still rap better than you.
I still rap better than you.
-
ThomasAguanis - Band Leader
- Posts: 5857
- Joined: Jun 22nd, '05, 22:14
- Location: New Jersey
- Gender: Male
Re: "What People Say In Court"
by D@vid » Mar 28th, '07, 02:16
ThomasAguanis wrote:Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
thats the best one
Life is just one big lesson
-
D@vid - Band Leader
- Posts: 6971
- Joined: Jul 22nd, '06, 22:15
- Location: Detroit
- Gender: Male
by BaZZ » Mar 28th, '07, 03:30
some are so fuckin hilarious!!
"Hard hearted beast with a jaw full of meat
Engulfed in a feast while you starve at his feet
He toss you the least little portion of a piece
To the floor and expect you to rejoice when you eat" - Brother Ali
Engulfed in a feast while you starve at his feet
He toss you the least little portion of a piece
To the floor and expect you to rejoice when you eat" - Brother Ali
-
BaZZ - Renegade
- Posts: 2625
- Joined: Sep 6th, '06, 05:31
- Location: Abu Dhabi, UAE
- Gender: Male
by ,-,'-{Bar}-',-, » Mar 28th, '07, 14:13
rhiannon wrote::laughing: they reminded me of bar
that was mean
-
,-,'-{Bar}-',-, - Bad Influence
- Posts: 16978
- Joined: Apr 10th, '06, 21:41
- Location: Scotland
- Gender: Male
by ,-,'-{Bar}-',-, » Mar 28th, '07, 14:14
and mine was 
What was the offensive weopon?:
answer - a bottle opener
And what do you use it for?:
answer -
to open bottles ?
What was the offensive weopon?:
answer - a bottle opener
And what do you use it for?:
answer -
to open bottles ?-
,-,'-{Bar}-',-, - Bad Influence
- Posts: 16978
- Joined: Apr 10th, '06, 21:41
- Location: Scotland
- Gender: Male
by rhiannon » Mar 28th, '07, 14:16
,-,'-{Bar}-',-, wrote:and mine was
What was the offensive weopon?:
answer - a bottle opener
And what do you use it for?:
answer -
i didnt mean coz ur goin court i 4got bout that...i meant it reminded me of u coz ur that dumb
-
rhiannon - Band Leader
- Posts: 6006
- Joined: Jan 25th, '06, 17:20
- Location: uk
by ,-,'-{Bar}-',-, » Mar 28th, '07, 14:17
rhiannon wrote:,-,'-{Bar}-',-, wrote:and mine was
What was the offensive weopon?:
answer - a bottle opener
And what do you use it for?:
answer -
i didnt mean coz ur goin court i 4got bout that...i meant it reminded me of u coz ur that dumb
soo much nicer
-
,-,'-{Bar}-',-, - Bad Influence
- Posts: 16978
- Joined: Apr 10th, '06, 21:41
- Location: Scotland
- Gender: Male
but the more I read the more anoying they got >.< I didn't know there were so many stupid things to say 
22 posts
• Page 1 of 2 • 1, 2
Who is online
Users browsing this forum: No registered users