Little Johnny jokes/dirty jokes 3

[Dark Blue]

1.Little Johnny
A first-grade teacher asks her students to give her a sentence with the word fascinate in it.
A little girl stands up and says, ''Walt Disney World is so fascinating.''
The teacher says, ''No, that's not correct. I said, fascinate.''
Another little girl stands up and says, ''There's so much fascination when it comes to sea life.''
The teacher again says, ''No, the word is fascinate.''
So Little Johnny in the back of the room stands up and says, ''Well, my sister has such big boobs that she can only fasten eight of the ten buttons on her shirt.


2.Little Johnny goes to school, and the teacher says, 'Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?'
Little Johnny waves his hand, 'Me, Miss Rogers, me, me!'
Miss Rogers:'All right, little Johnny, what is your multi-syllable word?'
Little Johnny says, 'Mas-tur-bate.'
Miss Rogers smiles and says, 'Wow, little Johnny, that's a mouthful.'
Little Johnny says, 'No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob


3.One day in school, the teacher decides to play 20 questions.
So the teacher says "OK kids, I am thinking of something round, and red"
Little Suzy pipes up "I know, it's a tomato".
"No but you're thinking, it's an apple" replies the teacher.
So Little Johnny stands up, places his hand in his pocket and says "I am holding onto something that is round, hard, and has a head on it"
"Go to the principals office" says the teacher.
"No but you're thinking", say Johnny, "It's a quarter"


4.A few months after his parents were divorced, little Johnny passed by his mom's bedroom and saw her rubbing her body and moaning, "I need a man, I need a man!"
Over the next couple of months, he saw her doing this several times.
One day, he came home from school and heard her moaning. When he peeked into her bedroom, he saw a man on top of her.
Little Johnny ran into his room, took off his clothes, threw himself on his bed, started stroking himself, and moaning, "Ohh, I need a bike! I need a bike!


5.Little Johnny is taking a shower with his mother and says, "Mom, what are those things on your chest!?" Unsure of how to reply, she tells Johnny to ask his dad at breakfast tomorrow, quite certain the matter would be forgotten.
Johnny didn't forget. The following morning he asked his father the same question. His father, always quick with the answers, says, "Why Johnny, those are balloons. When your mommy dies, we can blow them up and she'll float to heaven." Johnny thinks that's neat and asks no more questions.
A few weeks later, Johnnys' dad comes home from work a few hours early. Johnny runs out of the house crying hysterically, "Daddy! Daddy! Mommy's dying!!" His father says, "Calm down son! Why do you think Mommy's dying?" "Uncle Harry is blowing up Mommys' balloons and she's screaming, "Oh God, I'm coming!"


6.The teacher asks Little Johnny "Which body part goes to heaven first?"
Little Johnny replies "The feet miss"
So the teacher says "Why the feet?"
And Little Johnny says "Because when I go in my mummys bedroom at night she has her legs in the air shouting 'Oh my God I'm coming'"


7.lilttle Johnny was going to his faters house one day and he was packing everthing in his room and putting it in his little red wagon.
He was walking to his fathers house with his wagon behind him, when he came to this hill.
He started up the hill but was constantly swearing "This God damn thing is so heavy"
A priest heard him and came out. "You shouldn't be swearing" said the priest. "God hears you...He is everywhere...He's in the chruch...He's on the sidewalk...He's everywhere"
Then Little Johnny says "Oh is he in my Wagon"
The prist replies "Yes Johnny God is in your Wagon"
Little Johnny says "Well tell him to get the hell out and start pulling



8.One night Little Johnny was really scared sleeping by himself at camp, so he sprints out of his tent and runs to his teachers tent and asks "Miss can I please sleep with you tonight ?".
His teacher replies "NO"
Johnny moans and says "But my mummy lets me".
"OK then, just for tonight" the teacher replies.
Johnny jumps into bed with her and asks "Miss can I please play with your belly button with my finger".
She again says "NO".
"But my mummy lets me" says Johnny again.
"Well I suppose it's OK" replies the teacher.
Things are silent for a few minutes until the teacher leaps up screaming "THAT'S NOT MY BELLY BUTTON"
Little Johnny replies "It aint my finger either".



9.A boy sitting on Santas lap and Santa puts his finger on the boys nose and says "I bet your name is (spells out ) J i m m y ?"
The little boys eyes light up and Santa puts his finger on the boys nose again and says " I bet you want a (spelled out ) b i k e ?"
mys eyes light up and he asks "How'd you know that ?"
Santa replied "Because I'm Santa I know everything".
Little Jimmy gets a funny look in his eye and says "I bet you like (spells out ) g i r l s ?"
Santa says "Yes, how'd you know that ?" The boy says " Beacause your finger smells like(spells it out) P U S S Y


10.Little Johnny walks into school one day to find a substitute in place of his regular teacher.
She says, "Hello class, I'm Mrs. Prussy. When you say my name class remember it has an "r" after the first letter."
The entire class says, "Hello Mrs. Prussy."
A few days later the regular teacher is still sick when Little Johnny gets to his desk the teacher asks what her name is.
Johnny thinks hard and the says to the teacher, "I remember it has an "r" after the first letter."
"That's right!" she coaxed.
Then after a few seconds Little Johnny says, "Mrs. Crunt?"

[Robbie G]

lmao probably best one so far.

[Arabian Shady]

keep 'em comin man, that shit is awesome,

[rahul.never2far]

[C-Game]

[Kez]

These are hilarious

[Solace]

LMAO these are freakin funny!

the santa one says jimmy tho lol

[lakaisx]

LMAO the camp one kept me laughin