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Therapeutic...

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Therapeutic...

Postby Emadyville » Jan 10th, '10, 04:00

Short poem, felt like switchin up from rhymes, REALLY curious what you guys think, all feedback is appreciated :y: :y:


All the things that I have done
Have defined what I become
We are merly what we do but
Like the sunset out actions can fade away
To redefine ourselves like the warm sunrise

Our feelings change like the tides
With the rough and wild winds to only be
Followed by the soft and warm disaster left behind
And by then we know its time, and the tides are changing

Like the captain I set a new course, but close my eyes
To only see the darkness that I fear will swallow me again
But moving faster and quicker I start to see that that abyss that swallowed me
Was the disaster that I miss and made me feel so alive
Menzo wrote:Its cuz you're dope and Daddy Dubs. No one fucks with that


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Re: Therapeutic...

Postby Emadyville » Jan 10th, '10, 07:47

Bump, jesus christ its mad short people :smoking:
Menzo wrote:Its cuz you're dope and Daddy Dubs. No one fucks with that


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Re: Therapeutic...

Postby Slim Zaddy » Jan 10th, '10, 12:06

Emadyville wrote:Short poem, felt like switchin up from rhymes, REALLY curious what you guys think, all feedback is appreciated :y: :y:


Like the sunset out actions can fade away
To redefine ourselves like the warm sunrise

Our feelings change like the tides
With the rough and wild winds to only be


Like the captain I set a new course, but close my eyes
To only see the darkness that I fear will swallow me again



sick lines man ,, i love it for a short poem ,, love the emotion in it ,, and its' simple and that how it should be ,, ya , great piece and nice to read ,, keep em comming :y:
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Re: Therapeutic...

Postby Emadyville » Jan 10th, '10, 19:29

Thank you man, I appreciate you takin the time, especially since no one else did :'(
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Re: Therapeutic...

Postby Just Silver » Jan 10th, '10, 20:04

I like it
had some memorable lines like:Like the captain I set a new course, but close my eyes

although being longer would make the message stronger IMO :sweating:
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Re: Therapeutic...

Postby Emadyville » Jan 10th, '10, 22:51

Just Silver wrote:I like it
had some memorable lines like:Like the captain I set a new course, but close my eyes

although being longer would make the message stronger IMO :sweating:


thanks :y:

And yeah, idk just wanted to keep it short I guess :smoking:
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Re: Therapeutic...

Postby Arrinef » Jan 10th, '10, 22:52

damn, that pretty dope

its being simple and direct is what gives it that shine :y:

mad props :worship:
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Re: Therapeutic...

Postby Emadyville » Jan 11th, '10, 04:24

ArrineF wrote:damn, that pretty dope

its being simple and direct is what gives it that shine :y:

mad props :worship:


thanks homie :y:
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Re: Therapeutic...

Postby Element. » Jan 11th, '10, 08:26

Nice :)
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