The TRshady Forum became read-only in December 2014. The 10 year history will live on, in this archive.
Continue the discussion with the new home for the Eminem and Hip Hop discussion: HipHopShelter.com.

Gangsta Paradise (20 Bars)

Want to share a poem, story or a moving article? Share creative literature text here.

Gangsta Paradise (20 Bars)

Postby mcZu » Jan 23rd, '10, 03:34

Sight, sound, feeling, what’s wrong with my sense ability
I write, astound, a healing, a song with sensibility
Credibility is short, so no given credit near me
They say it’s unclear see, that I give people a reason to fear me
But it’s a given that people fear what they don’t understand clearly
Under trance daily, feels like I’m riding ‘round in a hansom
A dealer showed me some E, he tried to hand some
This girl created from sounds calls me handsome
But I refrained from that, don’t move E, actors aren’t in demand son
I demand some, call this a live feed epilogue from the brain
I’m standing in front of a crossroad, can’t chose, Kylie Minogue the game
Highly anticipated mind frame, I’m into mind games
Girl, either call back or don’t, yes, I mind games
Play hard to get and you might end up hard to get
As in playing yourself in a position which is by far too sad
You have one of those days where you feel screwed, too bad
My mind is so upside down, I usually wake up on the wrong side of my bed
Ups and downs, usually issue issues on the wrong side of the web
I'm a General, money’s on me, my whole gang green
So you can say we started off on the wrong foot, if you know what I mean...
"Truth is limitless in its range; if you drop a 'T' and look at it in reverse, it could hurt."
- Lupe Fiasco

Follow Me!

McZu's Blog!
User avatar
mcZu
Band Leader
Band Leader
 
Posts: 7297
Joined: Jun 17th, '08, 14:21
Location: Rotterdam
Gender: Male

Re: Gangsta Paradise (20 Bars)

Postby Just Silver » Jan 23rd, '10, 03:58

Liked this one a whole lot

only problem to me was it went off flow
at this line
Play hard to get and you might end up hard to get
As in playing yourself in a position which is by far too sad

just my O but other than that little thing it was fantastic

loved the gang green line and the sensibility intro

5/5 worships :worship: :worship: :worship: :worship: :worship:
Image
User avatar
Just Silver
Band Leader
Band Leader
 
Posts: 7791
Joined: Jun 27th, '09, 03:40
Location: East Coast
Gender: Male

Re: Gangsta Paradise (20 Bars)

Postby Emadyville » Jan 23rd, '10, 04:15

Dude this was fire, great beginning, great ending, loved the rhymes, flow went off sometimes but it's perspective I'm sure, only thing I can say is for some reason that kylie minogue the game line reminded me of buddens "sammy sosa the game", but this was fire son great great piece :y: :y: :y:
Menzo wrote:Its cuz you're dope and Daddy Dubs. No one fucks with that


I love you Daren
User avatar
Emadyville
Django
Django
 
Posts: 24833
Joined: Jan 17th, '08, 15:58
Location: Catasauqua PA
Gender: Male

Re: Gangsta Paradise (20 Bars)

Postby Strictt Ame » Jan 23rd, '10, 05:49

Solid ass drop..wordplay was on point..gang green was nice, handsome plays were cool, couldve had a bit more power behind em but none the less this was sick..
My Music
@InkredableAme
User avatar
Strictt Ame
Trailer Trash
Trailer Trash
 
Posts: 472
Joined: Oct 20th, '09, 17:15
Location: 614
Gender: Male

Re: Gangsta Paradise (20 Bars)

Postby mcZu » Jan 23rd, '10, 20:34

Thanks y'all, 'preciate the feed. :b:
"Truth is limitless in its range; if you drop a 'T' and look at it in reverse, it could hurt."
- Lupe Fiasco

Follow Me!

McZu's Blog!
User avatar
mcZu
Band Leader
Band Leader
 
Posts: 7297
Joined: Jun 17th, '08, 14:21
Location: Rotterdam
Gender: Male

Re: Gangsta Paradise (20 Bars)

Postby Fa-Q » Jan 23rd, '10, 20:39

I'm jealous of those first two lines...I love word play like that...dope piece Zu
User avatar
Fa-Q
Pill Popper
Pill Popper
 
Posts: 8404
Joined: Dec 20th, '08, 21:15

Re: Gangsta Paradise (20 Bars)

Postby mcZu » Jan 23rd, '10, 20:47

Thanks Fa-Q, I'll be dropping more than once a week from now on. And I'll focus on using that kind of wordplay with multies and my usual wordplay.
"Truth is limitless in its range; if you drop a 'T' and look at it in reverse, it could hurt."
- Lupe Fiasco

Follow Me!

McZu's Blog!
User avatar
mcZu
Band Leader
Band Leader
 
Posts: 7297
Joined: Jun 17th, '08, 14:21
Location: Rotterdam
Gender: Male

Re: Gangsta Paradise (20 Bars)

Postby Element. » Jan 23rd, '10, 20:50

I found this really good,
keep it up :y:
Image
TR Battles
Won - 4
Lost - 0
User avatar
Element.
Soldier
Soldier
 
Posts: 867
Joined: Oct 5th, '09, 18:50
Location: England
Gender: Male


Return to Creative Writing



Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users