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dwellin in cells

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dwellin in cells

Postby xariuss » Jan 29th, '10, 00:42

I put lipstick on and start dwelling in cells
these inmates are my power to shower the fellas in hell
door knockin sellin these pills with a contract for sellin ya soul
the devils my silent partner may as well go to hell when you're old
and crippled, disfigured and discarded so far that
you can't recognize your face or even your own farther
further and further away till you grab a steel bar and
grip it so tight and wait for the next mother fucker to start ya
decapitate his head and then move onto his car and
drive to his house and look for his kids and his part-ner
tell him he's gone and he’s at the airport departure
and that he's sick of his life, “sianara Marsha”

Another quick spit, tell me what ya think :)
xariuss
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Re: dwellin in cells

Postby Yah-hah » Jan 29th, '10, 02:18

I dig the darker vibe to it. Hey are you a girl jw?
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"Red hand I use to reach deep in my dark quiver,
Arrow so big the fuckin bones in ya arm splinter
Fuckin crazy I'll stick my hand throgh ya hearts center,
With sharp scissors the words Native Pride gets carved in her,
"-Yah-hah

Trimss wrote:Your dog is cute, your tattoo fucking rocks, you can fight and your baby have a big dick.
Your life is cool bro lol :y:


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Re: dwellin in cells

Postby Solace » Jan 29th, '10, 02:41

the devils my silent partner may as well go to hell when you're old


lmfaoo

I liked it dude, good vocabulary used and your multies felt real smooth.

Didnt feel it through the ending, everything started to go down at about the end of: (which is the best part)

I put lipstick on and start dwelling in cells
these inmates are my power to shower the fellas in hell
door knockin sellin these pills with a contract for sellin ya soul
the devils my silent partner may as well go to hell when you're old
and crippled, disfigured and discarded so far that
you can't recognize your face or even your own farther
Image
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Re: dwellin in cells

Postby gutawafang » Jan 29th, '10, 02:54

You spelt "father" wrongly. :shakehead:

Anyways, I think that the flow in this piece is good because of pretty nice multis. Not really multis, just nice multi-rhymes. Whatever.

tell him he's gone and he’s at the airport departure
and that he's sick of his life, “sianara Marsha”
:worship: :worship: :worship: :worship: :worship:

Overall, I love it. :y:
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Re: dwellin in cells

Postby xariuss » Jan 29th, '10, 07:39

Haha, nah i'm not a girl.

Thanks for the feed-back guys. I agree that when reading the end it doesn't feel as smooth as the beginning, but that's mainly due to the fact that the words are only really rhymed and the multi's only really appear when you rap it :)

I'm sure ya'll know what I mean :P

Once again, thanks for the feedback!
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Re: dwellin in cells

Postby Yah-hah » Jan 29th, '10, 07:40

lol was just wondering from the first line
Image

"Red hand I use to reach deep in my dark quiver,
Arrow so big the fuckin bones in ya arm splinter
Fuckin crazy I'll stick my hand throgh ya hearts center,
With sharp scissors the words Native Pride gets carved in her,
"-Yah-hah

Trimss wrote:Your dog is cute, your tattoo fucking rocks, you can fight and your baby have a big dick.
Your life is cool bro lol :y:


Nundea Mekeze comin soon May 4th
User avatar
Yah-hah
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