me vs Niki Manji

[shadegirl]

My friend wanted me to rap to Niki's remix she did to the song beautiful nightmare so i wrote something quick up and thought i'd share it with everyone.

It's a little on the psycho side lol.
ill tell you the point of it at the end. and when i put a , it means i pause.so here is it.

yo

you can be a sweet dream
sweet as apple pie
lick the whip cream off the side
be my ride or die
ill be your bonnie you
be my clyde
got another man on the side
But I know you'll let it slide,
im sicker then hannibal lector
take you to my past
got a spectre,
beat you over the head with
a sector
ill never be a defector
but im more like a director,
stabbing you 10 times
with a dirk
blood pouring out and i leave
with a smirk
while your family goes biserk,
and if you survive ill be behind your trees
lurking
circling, your crib god forgive me
for my deadly sins
i hunt meat like an animal hunts pray
sleeping at night,killing by day
just wish the talking in my head will go away
how many more bullets can i spray,
and put the gun under my pillow where at night
i lay,
so you better state your prayers
because i aint a sweet dream
ima beautiful nightmare

The concept was i can be a sweet dream or a beautiful nightmare. of course the sweet part was in the beggining and at the end i was saying im not a sweet dream im a beautiful nightmare.
so tell me what you think.

thanks

[Noeezy]

not bad if you're just beginning, but try to work on your vocabulary a little more, use names of things, people, etc. to make it more unique.
later you can work on multies, metaphors, and wordplay but when you're ready for that there's a good guide on here somewhere that explains it all.

[shadegirl]

not starting out. i won rap battles and stuff.

but that one i just did in like 2 minutes cause i had to do it quick lol

but thanks