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Vicious Smile

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Re: Vicious Smile

Postby Spyder » Feb 23rd, '10, 00:35

pretty good bro, started out with some good multies and then kinda faded off at the end
topics ehh but u did alright with it

nice drop
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Re: Vicious Smile

Postby Cam Aura » Feb 23rd, '10, 00:46

looks good Geno
basically agree with whats said above (y)
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Re: Vicious Smile

Postby Yah-hah » Feb 23rd, '10, 15:46

I scream and shout, my body's filled with needless doubt,
I can't find a way out, I'm trapped in this demon's house.

This line was dope, if you would have made it rhyme again where it says "I cant find a way out"
with like idk "the reapers out" So it looks like

I scream and shout, my body's filled with needless doubt,
Now the reapers out, I'm trapped in this demon's house.

So it flow better idk just my 2 cents. I dont remember ever seein ou rap I think I dig it man should write more often :y:
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"Red hand I use to reach deep in my dark quiver,
Arrow so big the fuckin bones in ya arm splinter
Fuckin crazy I'll stick my hand throgh ya hearts center,
With sharp scissors the words Native Pride gets carved in her,
"-Yah-hah

Trimss wrote:Your dog is cute, your tattoo fucking rocks, you can fight and your baby have a big dick.
Your life is cool bro lol :y:


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Re: Vicious Smile

Postby 2sDay » Feb 24th, '10, 22:44

It was not terrible :smoking:

multis were there :y: first bars where the best though :b:

have a beer :b:
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Re: Vicious Smile

Postby Doctor Skittlez » Feb 24th, '10, 23:00

This Was Okay. Like The First Dude Said, Multies Fell Off A Li'l Towards The End, But Other Then That, I Was Diggin' This Piece, Fam. Keep Droppin' Yo' Shit.
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Re: Vicious Smile

Postby gutawafang » Feb 25th, '10, 06:02

Man, read it thrice. didn't wanna feedback cuz it's short. but well, the last two sentences stand out man. :y: I like it.
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