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inside of my head

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inside of my head

Postby Ka0t1c » Dec 10th, '10, 19:01

Inside of my head it's like a spider's cobweb
but my mind is not dead, instead
i desire to set a fire to spread
cuz i'm dyin, tired and mad
just by tryin to stand, yet
how can i find me a hand
when i am the man high in command
i deny to understand that
why my time could come to an end
so to all my friends and my fans
this is how i begin my plans to
defend my land until i'm dead
even if spillin blood, i really have to...

link of feedback:
http://forum.trshady.com/viewtopic.php?f=24&t=23551&p=1434914#p1434914
oh yeah... and thanks for nothing too
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Re: inside of my head

Postby Solace » Dec 11th, '10, 19:26

I think the structure sort of fucked me over flowing it but it was okay. It definitely got more clear (the flow) throughout the middle, and worked better. It was a little vague, but okay. Definitely not your best work, I couldn't really pick out any lines that stood out, you know? Stay writing man, :y:
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Re: inside of my head

Postby Ka0t1c » Dec 11th, '10, 22:20

alright man, thanx checking this piece out and for your input on it! :y:
oh yeah... and thanks for nothing too
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