Fa-Q - Just Another Pretty Face

[Fa-Q]

viewtopic.php?f=24&t=103153

Gone in the blink of an eye,
As I sit here thinkin’ of why,
But she’s just another pretty face,
Just another heartbreak case,
For just another Pretty face,

She kissed my neck, but I was wearing a spiked collar then,
She towered over me, she said that she liked taller men,
That was five years ago, have you fulfilled your wish yet,
I would ask her, as she teases me, in that black fish net,
Calluses ‘round my heart, surrounded by leather jackets,
I’m a man, with a straight jacket, with weathered brackets,
But how could I resist, since she’s paired wonder breasts,
Her eyes entrance me, I’m trapped, I don’t care nonetheless,
The fire in each of us connects, I just hope that it burns good,
She poisons a third of me, she falls and she’s my wormwood,
Now I’m distracted, now she sports her scarlet letter,
I saw her hooker boots, but I wonder if this harlot’s better,
I write of her eyes, in a closed diary, each of mine glows fiery,
My journal filled front to back, black leather’s worn,
Pen and pencil has tears, she makes feather’s mourn,
I’ll tear up that page, now those black letters torn,

Gone in the blink of an eye,
As I sit here thinkin’ of why,
But she’s just another pretty face,
Just another heartbreak case,
For just another Pretty face,

Her trustworthy eyes, they’re my only restitution,
Her heart has hate, I know her lonely chest has proven,
A warm heart gone, two big breasts have moved in,
She’s a dagger to the back, a double bladed sword,
She can leave you in ruins, that rubble made a war,
She tears me up inside, she’s the subtle braided whore,
But I’m scared to tell her off, my rebuttal ‘fraid to soar,
To me, now past girlfriends are, just simple facial blurs,
Now I must apologize for all of my ignorant racial slurs,
I guess I just hate it, I may erase, this goddamn baby face,
Plus I know her kissin’ lips, never need permission slips,
She’s the club life, wearin’ diamonds, I’m the king of hearts,
I listen to sad songs, but I’m the one that sings the parts,
Plus I tried to pull this trigger, but I’m glad I didn’t shoot,
She was my Eve and my garden, I just want forbidden fruit,
In my torn journal, her pages, I’ve marked with dog ears,
I missed her sunshine, I’m just hoping that this fog clears,

[Fa-Q]

bump..

[Block]

Gone in the blink of an eye,
As I sit here thinkin’ of why,
But she’s just another pretty face,
Just another heartbreak case,
For just another Pretty face,

I really like that hook. It seems like it would be dope if chanted / half sang.


The first line, "She kissed my neck but I was wearing a spiked collar then" is some dope imagery. The storytelling in this peice is really good. You do these peices better than you do when you attempt the abstract stuff. Maybe that will change with some practice, though.
As such, there's always room for improvement. Your flow falls off in some parts of this, but it seems to be much more restrained than I've read in the past from you.

Her eyes entrance me, I’m trapped, I don’t care nonetheless,
The fire in each of us connects, I just hope that it burns good,
She poisons a third of me, she falls and she’s my wormwood,

This is another part that stuck out to me. The imagery here was really good, man.

Her trustworthy eyes, they’re my only restitution,
Her heart has hate, I know her lonely chest has proven,
A warm heart gone, two big breasts have moved in,

I liked how you started this, I just wish you would elaborate after "her lonely chest has proven"... What has it proven? It leaves me thinking of so many possibilities. That's probably your main problem, man. You always leave half-thoughts, lol.

She’s a dagger to the back, a double bladed sword,
She can leave you in ruins, that rubble made a war,
She tears me up inside, she’s the subtle braided whore,
But I’m scared to tell her off, my rebuttal ‘fraid to soar,
To me, now past girlfriends are, just simple facial blurs,

The imagery here, in combination with the flow, set these lines apart from the rest. These were, by far, the best lines of the peice. I enjoyed them.

I was surprised by this. I mean, I knew you had the right ideas but you always seemed to throw them off with some forced multies or something. This time you came through, and this peice really shows how much you're elevating as far as writing goes.

I was impressed, fa-q. Good shit.



EDIT: Oh, if you'd like to feed my latest peice "trying something new" that would be cool. It's not my normal style.

[Fa-Q]

thanks K Block

[Yah-hah]

Was great bro. One of those things everyone can somewhat relate to. Like K said the imagery was very good in this, you have a very unique way of choosing your words to make it really pop imagery-wise. I can tell you're gettin out of that block ya know well out I guess I should say. All around definitely one of your better pieces. That last part K pointed out was fantastic btw

[Fa-Q]

Thanks, Jus

[Fa-Q]

bump

[Spaceboundsupenova]

I'm feeling it

[ArsheyHaq]

Wow..good read! I loved the clever multis in it, along with the subject matter. It's very relatable, and that's more than likely because of the descriptive words you choose. This is definitely being slept on, man. Hopefully my comment bumps it up to get another few views.