Red coat. Listen, youtube link inside

[nickolas_warner]

This is my first time actually making a real recording. I just rapped over a blockhead beat that he gave away on his myspace a while ago with a bunch of other ones, which is why it's short and cuts out.
The thing isn't finished. I have to go and edit it so it doesn't just cut off after one minute.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x32wYFL1U00

This is about a friend I have. She's nice but sort of fucked up.

flowing from her flaring pierced brown nose was the smoke
from her american spirit hand rolled cigarette
gripped tightly in this samaritans peace sign hold
her other hand was tightly clutching her faded red coat
she stole from goodwill, she stood still pondering
where she was going to crash that night
or crawl under street lights, city camp sight, wandering

her maladaptive behavior links her combative nature
to her mom problems, this malefactor teenager
smokes pot, tries drugs, slumbers around with older men
drawing her closer to the alabaster creator
she would say no, a strict atheist, gods a scapegoat
for the naive, go blame those creationists
mancato'd her baby, lid of the toilet, last taste of drano
vacant, no body coming from her body, no nascent

addicted to needles, not medical, metal rods in between
her spectacles, genitals an d cheek muscles
every insult spat her way had a quick and mad rebuttal
thrown back at them, then laughed at, befuddled
affront to everyone and offensive deliberately
debilitate feelings facilitate her shrill delivery

[FreeSpeech]

I like your writing you have a nice vocab and it was pretty descriptive.

However, it really just sounded like you were talking. You didn't really flow, and your rhyming words were very random and sporadic, it didn't feel like a rap.

Also, you really bite Aesop Rock's style. You made your voice sound kinda like his and you used the same voice inflections and accentuations as he does. IDK if you did that on purpose since it's a Blockhead beat, but don't bite someone else's style. It was pretty obvious...