
Liked the whole piece -- > flawless.

ArsheyHaq wrote:Venom
Your rhymes were real tight. I do agree with everyone else, though, it didn't flow too smooth for me. But it really depends on you and how you rhyme on record. Anyway, you nailed the concept with your wordplay perfectly. I loved this line here:
"Caused the Big Bang when I fucked the world & the whole thing expanded
Then proposed to it with the rings of Saturn"
Just awesome. But umm... "Clockasian Cannibal"? Did you mean Caucasian, perhaps?
jinofthewind wrote:And Koolo's sources said... Nothing you idiots Koolo's sources are dead they're locked in my basement
C.R.E.A.M wrote:Yo Venom your verse was kinda hard to catch up with, but when I finally got it it was awesome.
Cosh your punchlines are the fucking shit, I should call you the new king of punchlines
And that space theme is awesome lmao .. it's always more impressive to keep a specific theme for a punchline piece, would make people go "wow" just like I am right now
Favorite lines :Venom :
I stopped going in circles, went back to square one & turned it to Ground Zero
Cosh :
I stuck my dick in a black hole and gave it a Milky Way
Really creative shit right there, I got nothing to say.
classthe_king wrote:Alright
VBV: your wordplay ideas and your punchline concepts are amazing, but your flow still needs a lot of work. This verse had really no flow at all. If you have one line that needs a huge set up then you have to make the line before that extremely small, notice on my collab verse with you I structured it like this
Fuck the goals in life
If I reached for the stars I’d immediately strip the globe o’ light
A cyborg prototype
Constructed with reverse engineering in a Roswell clonin site
That's what Possessed does. Your rhyming was good but I should warn you about rhyming sphere globe with zero. Sphere globe is two distinct syllables that will stand out and zero you will say fairly quick so it will run together. It's really going to hurt the flow in an audio piece. I don't know if you write to beats yet but you need to start.
Cosh: I don't have much to say about your verse, your rhyming was great the whole time, besides the first line because I don't consider happen and planet to rhyme at all, your flow was pretty good the whole time and you had some alright punches but you also had a lot of filler. That meteor belt punch would have been better if VBV hadn't used the concept before.
RainMan44 wrote:I fucking loved this. The concept, theme, and the multies were all on point. VBV, at times your flow seemed a bit off, but nothing huge.
Good piece, gentlemen
Can y'all feed my new piece when you guys got the time please? I'd appreciate it
viewtopic.php?f=24&t=119406
ArsheyHaq wrote:Venom
Your rhymes were real tight. I do agree with everyone else, though, it didn't flow too smooth for me. But it really depends on you and how you rhyme on record. Anyway, you nailed the concept with your wordplay perfectly. I loved this line here:
"Caused the Big Bang when I fucked the world & the whole thing expanded
Then proposed to it with the rings of Saturn"
Just awesome. But umm... "Clockasian Cannibal"? Did you mean Caucasian, perhaps?
Cosh
You get better and better with every drop. A lot of good wordplay here. I'm kind of disagreeing with everyone else here, though, about your rhyming. The "Mar my record"/"far as ever" and "planets with string"/"happen to bring" rhymes sounded fine to me. They rhymed real well, but I guess it depends on the reader. Also, awesome work on the hook, mann. It's killer
GoinThruChanges wrote:ArsheyHaq wrote:Venom
Your rhymes were real tight. I do agree with everyone else, though, it didn't flow too smooth for me. But it really depends on you and how you rhyme on record. Anyway, you nailed the concept with your wordplay perfectly. I loved this line here:
"Caused the Big Bang when I fucked the world & the whole thing expanded
Then proposed to it with the rings of Saturn"
Just awesome. But umm... "Clockasian Cannibal"? Did you mean Caucasian, perhaps?
He mentions that he doesn't just kill time, he devours it. CLOCKasian CANNIBAL
Get it?
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