a lil' something..

[Flamez]

just something i did

I can't be stopped i'm a deadly lethal phenominal emcee
droppin' lyrical bombs violently you see the sickness in me
don't fuck with me you best believe i'm a rapper from cali
i'm sick flowing rolling downtown L.A in the two one three
back when i was younger i was chased by the L.A.P.D.
a lil' devilsh troublemaker who was always up to no good
never understood how the fuck to behave the way i should
it was always chaos for always causing trouble in my hood
now you could say i'm a killing mexican verbal assassinator
don't be a hater for being a destructive unique lyrical creator

feedback appreciated

[Tash8]

just something i did

I can't be stopped i'm a deadly lethal phenominal emcee
droppin' lyrical bombs violently you see the sickness in me

feedback appreciated

reminds me of something I did before haha..

anyways, pretty good, but if your gonna use multis in your first bars and your last bars, you should use it through out.

[Flamez]

haha thanx.. and ya i think i shoulda done that thru out but didn't lol

[James R.]

It was aight, I didnt really see any multies really, and in the middle of the verse you were just ending the last syllable of words which I'd advise against. And the 5th line I guess was supposed to rhyme with the 3rd and 4th, but it seemed like a floating rhyme. It was a solid piece, it shows that you know the basics, but it also shows that you have the ability to do much more advanced things.

[Flamez]

thanx for the feed James

yea i was just ending the last syllables next time i write something i'll try to do better i'll improve..