FUCKED UP VERSE

[Darkblade44431]

ok, i don't think i'll ever finish it cuz there's like no way to, lol.
but i think this is really fucked up, i don't know what i was thinking. But i'd like to have comments on it please.
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Modicum patience, flocks in some ancient/
feelings of..when i was innocent/
yet still dealin with infinite/
vasoconstrictions/
the task is to listen/
to the few things remaining/
that are NOT just a painting/
but my mind is de-tached/
my body's leavin keys like a map/
and now it's time to re-wrap/
the presents/presence of this plead-trap/
not a Sir-Prize/surprise with word-eyes/
you'll be beaten senseless from the out AND inside/
you're fountain of pride, will soon be mine/
after done roundin the time, everyone will see/
no matter if blind/
they'll notice the results of severed thoughts from my mind/
the weather will change, no more of that sunshine/
now the tornado's in the sky, watch time slowly pass by/
as you've now ruined it for everyone, and everyone cries/
just watching the blood fly, awaiting their chance, to finally die/

[Emadyville]

The beginning was odd, but it made more sense from like half way til the end. The rhymes were nice, it was creative, just didn't make sense sometimes.

[Darkblade44431]

yeah, i wasn't sure if they made since in the order i wrote them, cuz like i had some lines and then i decided to put them later on in the verse instead, and i think it made it better but, yeah..lol, sry bout that. Thanks for commenting though.

and, Chet, lol....don't repeat my topic. actually help plz, XD