Expressing Rhyme

[Slim Zaddy]

Once a day I wake up lookin up to the sky and muse,
i used my imaginations that leads me to my love news,
Flipping my love thoughts around and aside carrying it beside my life ride,
i have wiped all of my ex’s I have just get it, love is blind,
Sometimes you achieve your goal, but most of the times u aint got the ball,
Live your life cuz it’s small, forget being broke just let it go be strong,
By time you will fall but gradually step by step you will be reformed,
You may get a call that tells you something mourn bro just carry on,
I know you feel sore I know you aint want to hear from me anymore,
You have loaned your soul to my own you can’t ask me to withdrawal,
I have just prone my love to your own; I don’t want my feeling to get back home,
We all go through life tribulation that we must get through,
Some of us get out of it dude with hope and faith ya that’s true,
You have to keep that in your head two, clear ur mind be pure,

appreciate feedback though

[Emadyville]

I liked the concept, your thoughts were clear and good, just didn't flow that well or rhyme really, I liked it tho.

[James R.]

You're using very commercial sounding rhymes. What I mean by that is that you're using words than CAN rhyme, but don't really, so you kind of have to stretch it to make it work. This could be because of a difference in accents or just how we hear/read the words. I'd definitely say increase your vocabulary so that you can more articulately write your thoughts down. With that said I'm going to agree that the concept is spot on. Just work on your rhyming and delivery. Experiment with different rhyme schemes.

[Slim Zaddy]

I liked the concept, your thoughts were clear and good, just didn't flow that well or rhyme really, I liked it tho.

thanks ..which parts did'nt rhyme

[Slim Zaddy]

You're using very commercial sounding rhymes. What I mean by that is that you're using words than CAN rhyme, but don't really, so you kind of have to stretch it to make it work. This could be because of a difference in accents or just how we hear/read the words. I'd definitely say increase your vocabulary so that you can more articulately write your thoughts down. With that said I'm going to agree that the concept is spot on. Just work on your rhyming and delivery. Experiment with different rhyme schemes.

thanks for your advice , i will really work on it ..