vser im workin on....

[spitz2]

jus a bullshit verse, usin same syllable...got 4 bars so far....

you need the medicine ima give you a -full dose-/
why they build you up bitch you bout to get -bull dozed-/
i spit a -few flows- and -pull hoes- with -fat asses-/
and -cute toes- you -attract masses- of -dudes, gross-/
a -stoned fool- whod -blow school- cuz -school blows-/
what the fuck are sentence fragments i aint gunna -use those-/
so i -cruise slow- thru halls lookin for -culo-/
like her tits aint workin for me guess that her -boobs broke-/

startin to run low on ewwww ohhhhs that i could make sense.....or maybe i jus crammed that really fast. any feed?

[Ka0t1c]

yeah, you're just trying too hard to make rhymes, just let it flow

[spitz2]

really all of it came to me until i got to cruise slow....then i knew it was gunna get kinda played....i mainly like the fat asses cute toes attrack masses dudes gross part though

[Slim Zaddy]

yeah, you're just trying too hard to make rhymes, just let it flow

I agree, it was a good concept , though , but dont try to push the rhymes , make it flow naturally ,, but it was a good try ,, keep writing you have skills , dude

[spitz2]

i think im jus think of more ewww ooohs, and throw in a bunch of internals in there.

[Slim Zaddy]

i think im jus think of more ewww ooohs, and throw in a bunch of internals in there.

ya man , just do it , it will be much better .. try to use internal rhymes as well ..

[James R.]

Sounds like you're still trying to find yourself stylistically man. You need to take a good 30-60 minutes out and SEARCH for a beat that just hits you when you hear it and makes you HAVE to write. Then when you flow str8 from inspiration you'll see what your style is and you'll stop trying and you'll just do.