end the pain

[gutawafang]

my heart stops, frozen by thoughts of suicide
i wanna die, reverse time, and do what i like
i want to end this, leave me alone to slit my wrists
let me bleed inside, let me cry hard like this
goddammit, u don't get it, i'm supposed to laugh
to all the pain that's left, to everything that i had
all lost, sunk deep, evaporated, they gone
staring at the air, outta my mind, everything's wrong
can't control myself, seizures, i throw fits
screaming fuck the world cuz these people don't know shit
but let me die still, i don't want to live no more
God, take away the oxygen in the air, I don't wanna breathe no more.

[Slim Zaddy]

i liked it .. it's got emotions . , you have some lines which are sick , you are really improved .. gd job here man

[gutawafang]

i'm quite a caprice man. so sometimes u may see sick, sometimes u may see weak.

Well, thanks for taking ur time to read it. Thank you man.

[James R.]

I liked the emotion in this piece and there were a few stand out lines, but the only issues I see are a semi-choppy flow and a lack of WOW. I mean you have a couple stand out lines, but overall in a lyrical sense it's pretty average. I'm not holding it against you because you're still pretty new at this, but it is something you want to balance. Emotion is great, but it should never be an excuse for average lyrics ya know? I'm not saying you have to have punchlines and all that, but you can always express yourself creatively. You're coming along great man, just keep practicing and taking people's advice to heart and you'll be past any problems you have getting 9's and 10's on everything you drop.

[gutawafang]

I liked the emotion in this piece and there were a few stand out lines, but the only issues I see are a semi-choppy flow and a lack of WOW. I mean you have a couple stand out lines, but overall in a lyrical sense it's pretty average. I'm not holding it against you because you're still pretty new at this, but it is something you want to balance. Emotion is great, but it should never be an excuse for average lyrics ya know? I'm not saying you have to have punchlines and all that, but you can always express yourself creatively. You're coming along great man, just keep practicing and taking people's advice to heart and you'll be past any problems you have getting 9's and 10's on everything you drop.

i've always loved ur critics man. I mean, ur advice is all great and of course i'll take them to heart. yeah, i'ma keep practicing. i promise man. and thanks for the feed!!! I appreciate this.

[neversnooze]

very deep and poetic, it was short but the meaning was there. James has great advice so TAKE IT jk, also dont rush your work, take your time on it which will allow you to gather the ideas and place it on paper

good write, i dont see you post much on creative writing section

[gutawafang]

very deep and poetic, it was short but the meaning was there. James has great advice so TAKE IT jk, also dont rush your work, take your time on it which will allow you to gather the ideas and place it on paper

good write, i dont see you post much on creative writing section

hmmm... good advice. i'll try to rush less. i'm just too excited rhyming.

[Solace]

I see the emotion in this, its portrayed well. The flow was on spot, well to me at least. The last 2 lines were bad for it, cause they both end with "more" and then "live no (more)" and "breathe no (more)" don't rhyme. But there were multies so thats good.

PS. When'd you start writing?

[gutawafang]

I see the emotion in this, its portrayed well. The flow was on spot, well to me at least. The last 2 lines were bad for it, cause they both end with "more" and then "live no (more)" and "breathe no (more)" don't rhyme. But there were multies so thats good.

PS. When'd you start writing?

i started being dedicated to writing these stuffs when i started to be active in the multis. i used to write since three years ago, but you know, they just suck. totally not worth bragging about.

and coleon, thank you man.

[gutawafang]

I see the emotion in this, its portrayed well. The flow was on spot, well to me at least. The last 2 lines were bad for it, cause they both end with "more" and then "live no (more)" and "breathe no (more)" don't rhyme. But there were multies so thats good.

PS. When'd you start writing?

I started writing BADLY, years ago. I wrote my rhymes in books(i got ten). I thought I was great, showing off my "lyrics". But yeeah, now that I'm here I've learnt alot. Especially from James, he told me to read storybooks and i'ma start doing so NEXT friday. So... yeah. Why do you wanna know?