Open your eyes

[Le Tunisien]

Sometimes you feel,that you really have friends
But Fine is that real?u just find at the Sad ends
that They are fkn Fake,And Really bad
for Gods sake,i pretend not to be mad
and what Makes ,me almost dead is that they act like my dad
im so fad..up , that i wanna fuck up
Every Faker that sucks Up, Just to Take what they need
Keep sayin im rockin up ,is like i make Weed
But now its time to wake up, and take my mistake as a Great Lead
And Wow they tellin me Wait up,Mate slow down the hate speed
Its like whatever,but no matter what thing will get better
i might be Clever,but not whenever pussies talk in ur back and Let u open a letter
And u read in it,"feed me bitch ,u are just good cuz ur rich" ..Never.....!

[James R.]

The flow and structure were everywhere on this. I felt it, I liked it, but it was difficult to read in some spots because it didn't have a natural flow to it at all. The rhyming was pretty good, there weren't many multies and the ones you did have were pretty bland. Oh and this line

Keep sayin im rockin up ,is like i make Weed

I think I see what you're trying to do, but you're talking about crack, not weed, if you're doing a wordplay off "rockin" so you need to revise that. Pretty average piece. I dunno how new you are to this but you need to work on the basics (flow, structure, rhyming, multies, basic similes and metaphors) and you'll see improvement quickly.

[Slim Zaddy]

The flow and structure were everywhere on this. I felt it, I liked it, but it was difficult to read in some spots because it didn't have a natural flow to it at all. The rhyming was pretty good, there weren't many multies and the ones you did have were pretty bland. Oh and this line

Keep sayin im rockin up ,is like i make Weed

I think I see what you're trying to do, but you're talking about crack, not weed, if you're doing a wordplay off "rockin" so you need to revise that. Pretty average piece. I dunno how new you are to this but you need to work on the basics (flow, structure, rhyming, multies, basic similes and metaphors) and you'll see improvement quickly.

pretty tight critice .. i got nothin to say more than this ,, and if you want to get better,, listen to James , and take his advice to heart ,, keep writing ,,

[gutawafang]

I FEEL this. But as James said. I can't rap it out.

[Le Tunisien]

The flow and structure were everywhere on this. I felt it, I liked it, but it was difficult to read in some spots because it didn't have a natural flow to it at all. The rhyming was pretty good, there weren't many multies and the ones you did have were pretty bland. Oh and this line

Keep sayin im rockin up ,is like i make Weed

I think I see what you're trying to do, but you're talking about crack, not weed, if you're doing a wordplay off "rockin" so you need to revise that. Pretty average piece. I dunno how new you are to this but you? need to work on the basics (flow, structure, rhyming, multies, basic similes and metaphors) and you'll see improvement quickly.

uhm i keep workin on ur advices homie and yea im new , so how a metaphore should be ?
and whats basic smilies .... and btw where was it hard to read in some spots? thx