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Just Fair Warning

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Just Fair Warning

Postby Spyder » Feb 24th, '09, 23:55

when you see me on your fuckin block you better run like tupac got shot
smoke pot, til ur brain rot and becomes spotted with black and blue polka dots.
get smack til the notion stops, put my commotion into motion and keep cumn in flocks.
continue round the clock, my left hook will leave you dropped.in this rap shit ima catalyst
not someone you wanna battle against, flip you off while im screamin mafucker stradle this.
ill shit in my own hand n slap you across the face,n get u so crunk you rocket like outerspace.
your outa place, better get off this site before you suddenly fuckin vanish without a trace.
im like an invisble man standin you cant see my reflection in any mirror
you could infored vision with super detection and wouldnt see me any clearer.
ill whip whip you quicker than usain bolt or minute made lemonade
keep gettin paid, lift my tech and your ass keeps gettin sprayed,
now which way, do you wanna be, cuz i willingly kill mc's easily
without the need to be, brutal or violent as long as i have my hennesy.
your on the fence with me, but yet im a ready to fight, whatever you like
you can get this shit right now or wait till tonight, fuckin shits tight
just like ur moms ass everynight. im really pissed cuz it snowy as fuck
got plows on dumptrucks and a small joke will leave you fucked up.
this is just a fair warnin, try to tackle me lyricly and ull be killed before mornin.

feedback appreciated :D
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Re: Just Fair Warning

Postby Solace » Feb 25th, '09, 00:21

It was nice I guess. First line was obvious you bit Eminem. But you need some flow. Your lines are going from 25 syllables to 15 or so. Sure you can probably flow it to yourself but you need to let readers know how you flow it.
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Re: Just Fair Warning

Postby Spyder » Feb 25th, '09, 01:04

actually i didnt it kinda sounds like just dont give a fuck, but honestly i wasnt even thinkin of that.
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Re: Just Fair Warning

Postby Ka0t1c » Feb 25th, '09, 01:27

it's not too bad but also not great, u need to proof read and work on ur multies cuz ur rhymes are too basic, but it's worth the read anyways
oh yeah... and thanks for nothing too
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Re: Just Fair Warning

Postby Spyder » Feb 25th, '09, 01:33

thanks dawg
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Re: Just Fair Warning

Postby gutawafang » Feb 25th, '09, 03:11

WOW. What a warning!

LOL. Pretty good. Fowed well. Language's perfect. :y:
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Re: Just Fair Warning

Postby Slim Zaddy » Feb 25th, '09, 14:03

as said above, rhymes are basic , you need to work on structure ,, and to be honest i hve seen much better than this from you homie .. but for this it's was okay ,, flowed okay to me .. gd try ,, keep it up bro :y:
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Re: Just Fair Warning

Postby Spyder » Feb 25th, '09, 17:07

thanks guys, yea i knew it wasnt my best either but, figured id write it on here :sweating:
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