Friends Ain't Really Friend's

[AOBrien09]

When it come's to friends your all alone,
think you got you got one, your wrong,
think defence when you meet new friend's,
never break that system, cause when them,
see ya letting guard down, they'l take you for a joke now,
treat ya good, till they see stuff no'one else would,
you thought he ain't watchin, when you was puttin,
your pin in for your credit card, friend's like women,
soon as they see money they discharge, dropped ya guard,
this is just one reason you shouldn't, so believe in what a spittin,
an writtin down for you, so you won't be took as a fool,
take this as a unwritten rule, this s**t is true.........

Just a another quick one. (gonna start writing longer one's soon )
People keep saying a should be more lyrical is this better an how could a improve on it(lyrically).

[Noeezy]

well for starters, you could rhyme
but if you want to write real good
write shit that will make people think
if it sounds like somethin another rapper would say, ur not gonna go newhere
you gotta give people a reason to listen to you, if they hear the same shit from someone else why bother listenin to it over again by another rapper (you)
so basically try to avoid using simple words to rhyme

so instead of writing somethin like:
I blow up the show you know how i go
I get hotter everyday you already know

checkout this bit from a verse i wrote:
Blowin the whole show like bu~tane to a lighter
Switchin my flow makes the hue change in fire

[AOBrien09]

Okay thanks for the advice has helped.

"you could rhyme" which lines on mine don't rhyme .

[macdaddy019967]

ehh not bad im coming with some stuff as well for my myspace lol

[Noeezy]

alone/wrong
friends/them.. eh
now/would
puttin/women.. the in/en suffix rhymes i guess
guard/spittin
fool/true

i noticed you rhyme inside the lines for some of them but if your going to write that way try to do all the lines that way

but yeah, just keep working at it and you'll get better

[Noeezy]

another tip
try breaking down big words and see if you can rhyme with the segments that make up that word

for example check out this Mac Dre line

Waitin For The Muthafuckin Ambulance
Thinkin To Myself I Dont Stand A Chance

notice how amb-u-lance kinda sounds the same as stand-a-chance
took me some time to get it down but it'll come more easily if u practice with friends n stuff
eminem does this a lot as well

EDIT: check http://www.forum.trshady.com/viewtopic.php?f=26&t=3377 for some really good info as well

[AOBrien09]

alone/wrong - the way a was saying it in my head made it sound like they rhymed,
Think-defence/friends - that was supposed to rhyme while
them/system - weak one but they where suppose to rhyme
down/joke now - suppose to rhyme
good/would - weak again but they suppose to rhyme
puttin/women - yeah a see your point their weak ryhme
you-fool-rule-true - the way a was saying them in my head sounded like they did also

oh thanks for the help here appreciated

[Noeezy]

alone/wrong - the way a was saying it in my head made it sound like they rhymed,
Think-defence/friends - that was supposed to rhyme while
them/system - weak one but they where suppose to rhyme
down/joke now - suppose to rhyme
good/would - weak again but they suppose to rhyme
puttin/women - yeah a see your point their weak ryhme
you-fool-rule-true - the way a was saying them in my head sounded like they did also

oh thanks for the help here appreciated

you could make em rhyme but you'd have to change it a lil
defend/befriend
diss them/system - sounds better if u were to record vocals
down/so they take you for a clown
good/would - rhymes
etc.

so when ur chillin or whatever, jus try to freestyle and rhyme whatever you can and it'll help out a lot later on.
but start out with the basic rhymes and you can write more complex stuff later on as you advance