Sudden Death

[notoriouS-K-M]

It's a dark night as a fog of lost souls hangs around the city
Grim & Gloomy, melancholic environment, nothing seems pretty
I'm feeling shitty, sitting here drowning in self-pity with writer's block
Can't write my blog, turn the PC off, go to the door, try the knob
It won't turn, I'm con-cerned, now I ain't ever cried a lot
But this ain't like a lot, the lights go out, & I cry out loud
But I don't think my scream got out, got a sudden feeling of trepidation
I'm afraid, sweating is an indication & I don't need no vindication
I know something bad's gonna happen tonight, stage's set for an eradication
Gotta escape them, don't know who's tryina kill me but gotta evade them
Or evade him, whatever, atleast til the sun comes up or the lights come back
I hear a sudden tap, it's the door, no, maybe it's the window, whoa crap!
Give myself a slap, I forgot to shut it now there's a shadow looming there
Red glowing eyes & a mean mean stare, whatever it is it snarls like a bear
Suddenly a pain I can't bear rises in my left arm as I try to fight, breathing gets tight
Blood starts dripping from my mouth, falling on the floor making a pool
My little brother's voice cries out, "Haha.......got you........April Fool!"
As I'm falling I realize it was just a prank gone horribly wrong
The lights come on, I see standing infront of me is my bro
He sees me, bends down, asks "You alright Koh?", I say "no"
& just before I die, from the corner of my eye, I see him cry "NO!!"

[neversnooze]

the flow was decent and meaning was there. i didn't like the bold(dark) words, am i suppose to put them together or is it suppose to be annoying. Also, i didn't like the ending, you were describing the scenery so vividly but it seemed like you rushed the ending, maybe more detail towards the end would make up for the flow.

6/10