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A Verse

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A Verse

Postby Young Luc » May 28th, '09, 01:30

this is a verse from a collab song i wrote with two other guys on another forum.

Young Luc wrote:Everybody knows that Tha Studio is ours/
them other rappers spit ice cold bars/
my flows disgusting, it shocks like static electricity/
they must have messed up when i got a massive appendectomy/
i dont like to freestyle, i'd rather write/
so my shit aint wack, i gotta make sure it's tight/
haha when the haters see me i strike fright/
scare them off so much they sleep with a night light/
on, but they still get nightmares/
visioning it like i was right there/
y'all can call me the fright bear/
the best are YungFRockstar, Young Player and Me/
do anyone of y'all disagree?/
yeah thats what i thought We Tha Best/
fuck the haters, we put a bullet through their chest


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Re: A Verse

Postby Ka0t1c » May 28th, '09, 02:00

nothing good, but the night light line was funny... other than that it was bad
oh yeah... and thanks for nothing too
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Re: A Verse

Postby Young Luc » May 28th, '09, 02:09

Kaotic wrote:nothing good, but the night light line was funny... other than that it was bad


thanks 4 tha feedback.
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Re: A Verse

Postby Young Luc » May 28th, '09, 15:24

any more feedback? :flower:
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Re: A Verse

Postby Solace » May 28th, '09, 21:53

Keep working at it, as Kaotic said it wasn't good but yeah the night light line was decent.
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Re: A Verse

Postby mcZu » May 28th, '09, 23:28

It sucked, sorry.

Switch up your rhyme-scheme, use some multies, similies and methaphors.

Try to be creative and don't stop trying.

Just keep on writing and you'll become better. :y:
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Re: A Verse

Postby Solace » May 29th, '09, 01:06

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Re: A Verse

Postby mcZu » May 29th, '09, 01:09

Solace wrote:Take a note from these dudes :smoking:

http://www.forum.trshady.com/viewtopic.php?f=24&t=61695


Word :smoking:
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Re: A Verse

Postby JMG » May 31st, '09, 08:59

ur on to something just not quite there yet
JMG wrote: so are you gonna come fight me or not

Menzo wrote:No, I HAVE something to live for.
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