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My first time

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My first time

Postby BILI » Jun 11th, '09, 22:07

I was bored so i did little something,and i hope`ll continue to write.

I am gonna confuse your minds
For so many fucking times
Cause you never saw such sick rhymes
Like mains
They even scare me sometimes
They impel you to do psychopathic crimes
They impel you to kill your fucking wife
With the sharpest fucking knife
If they seize you`ll easily take someones life
You`d never again have another strife
Cause every fight you`ll solve with boxer or knife
There won`t be no more hand to hand fight
Look at this punk lets get rid of him tonight
He thinks he can fuck with me cause i`m white
But not,you see nothing`s gonna be alright
I don`t think he`l be able to survive this night!
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Re: My first time

Postby Solace » Jun 11th, '09, 22:11

A lot better than my first time :y:
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Re: My first time

Postby BILI » Jun 11th, '09, 22:20

thx man
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Re: My first time

Postby gutawafang » Jun 12th, '09, 04:28

It's got good flow man, really. There was never a point I got stuck to rap it out. Of course, there's room for improvement man. Keep writing. :happy:
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Re: My first time

Postby BILI » Jun 12th, '09, 11:40

thx guys
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Re: My first time

Postby BILI » Jun 12th, '09, 12:00

Here`s something new.Tell me what you think and tips are ok too


If you have a problem with me tell it to my face
But if you`re afraid thats the other case
You can tell it to your momma,she`ll tell it to me trust me
Yesterday i raped her 4th time and no one`ll ever bust me
You know why?Cause no one gives fuck bout you or her
FUCK HER!!!Oooo are you sad now,did i make you mad now
Oooo i know you know you`ll never blow
So thats why i`ll let you open my next show
If there`s two of us competin,you`ll be third
Cause behind that tough face of yours,stands a computer nerd
Have you ever wrote anything in you life?Even one verse?
No one can be that bad,maybe its cause your cursed



You lost touch with reality
Thinkin how you can beat me,now you`ll see real brutality
Real abnormality,I have fucked up mentality
Cause i am sick from duality,now you`ll never see my hospitality
Now i am never coming back to normality
Now you`re gonna feel my rage
You`ll get locked up in a cage
It will be like worst scenes from Saw,now look at my flow
Me breakin your jaw,burnin your paw
cuttin you with chainsaw,trust me i`ll never withdraw
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Re: My first time

Postby gutawafang » Jun 12th, '09, 17:33

I think you did better in the first one in terms of flow. The concept for the second verse is there, but you lack rhyming skills man. But it's good you're trying man. :y:
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Re: My first time

Postby neversnooze » Jun 12th, '09, 18:43

it was pretty good, i liked the part where you compared a boxer with no hand to hand boxing "clever". keep doing your thing, for a first it was enjoyable.
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Re: My first time

Postby BILI » Jun 13th, '09, 16:56

thx for the tips
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