vacancy

[ritchieA]

yh theres room in ma hotel
but theres no one here to tell how ull end up
when im hid in ur room
ill CUT CUT CUT CHOP CHOP CHOP
i wont stop
b4 ino it ill be reachin to th mop
il clear up his mess
ready the the rest
it's up to u do u wana stay
it'l be ur last day
coz im in a team
of 3 them 2 and me
the phones a tapped
u beta run
or ull be dead
il cut off ur head
il STAMP STAMP STAMP STOMP STOMP STOMP
on ur body
u got no chance
in the middle of these hills
where no one hesrs ma drills
if u try to run
i've got a gun
i fact i got 2
one for me
and one for u
we'll see who somes through
bet itl be me
coz i wont give u ur gun
ill just let run
can u figure me out
bet u cant
an il catch u
scratch uan match
an dont try drive away
i want u to stay
see if ull make it till daylight
it wont mata how hard u fight
il do i right
nie an slow
especially if u a hoe
go on get the police
il kill them to
ill stab right through
his chest
just like the rest
ow look a truck drive
mayb hell help
or mayb
he's in on it
ur choice
mayb he just wants first class seats
to ur murder
yh bet ya he will
coz hell get of on that
blood all ova da mat
how long till u find out
im sick and twisted
yh im a murdera
but will u watch the previuos tape
or will it be to late mayb il get bored
and rip u apart
or wil u win kill us all
and go free
i dont no u tell me
mayb thats the way its ment to be
u lil bitch
ur killin us an i aint gettin no thrill
no it comes down to who kill
who first
just one burst
of bullest to the chest
then fate desides the rest.

[JPearson]

lol shocking... good film, i wouldnt have this as the theme tune tho lol

[JPearson]

^lmao i dont get it...

[MC Anonymous]

This is garbage
Rhymes are basic as fuck so is everything else, shit I felt like my IQ dropped..

[ritchieA]

if thats wat u fort of it thats wat u fort ans spose i can get beta only bin doin it a lil while so if u got any tips

[neversnooze]

this was terrible!

tips:

1.your format(how you structured your piece) was horrible looking. work on formating it. it made it unbearable to read but i was able to force it.

2. in each line you could use more syllables

3.increase your vocab from rudimentary to advanced.

[ritchieA]

cheers thanks for the tips

[gutawafang]

HAHA. No flow at all man, especially those lines in CAPS. You should really STRUCTURE your shit man. And rhymes were quite basic. But knowing you're new here, it's good to try. Try to learn as you get along in this forum man.

[ritchieA]

chers scott dat was well helpful

[ritchieA]

yh i will try and get along in this forum should get beta cheers

[Solace]

It shall always live on.

Definitely follow ALL those tips, maybe not vocabulary at this point since i can tell your extremely beginner and if you just use larger more complex words to look clever it just won't work.

[ritchieA]

ok kl wil do

[JPearson]

get a beat aswell

[ritchieA]

yh i will try u can help