Set the Stage

[magic12ernie]

I threw this together this morning; I really want to get into writing but I'm not incredibly literate. I've written a few small things, verses that were more complex but this is kind of just a story I had that I needed to get out. Any comments/criticisms appreciated!



Set the Stage


Chorus:
this is what we all came for tonight
this is why we all fight through the day
to hear someone say it'll be alright
to see those lips, call my name

Verse:
this night is starving for passion
all the kids here over killed the fashion
but I ain't stressin' or bashin'
but this overwhelming feeling is everlastin'
its been a few years that have been slow in passin'
i'm trying to dig my heart out of the trash and
dust it off, clean it off like glasses
tonight i can see much clearer the casting
of this play is dramatic and the seats are packed in
every row filled we're all here to see the actin'
silly girls one beer in, dancing and clapping
pay no attention, not on my radar for tracking
I slide through the packs of girls and boyfriends macking
jealously hits like a brick but i keep laughing
in my head. it's tragic
thought id come to feel the magic
come to feel the mood of that which
there's nothing in the world to match it
i'm passed it
then i feel on by back a strange tapping
could this be a fairytale i'm asking
i slowly turn my heart is basking
it's not Her
oh god how much i wished it were
now standing broken and deterred
by a friend hes talking but with no words
they go unheard as it all seems to have fallen silent
as i squint my eyes and
wonder as to where my mind went
it's in a better place now i decided
i'm disillusioned I rub my eyelids
i crack my eyes to see i'm in a spotlight that
seems surreal it whispers 'open wide, kid'
i'm blinded
by a moment i pray could be rewinded
i'm reminded of the woman of my night dreams
we made contact and her eyes gleamed
like diamonds and just as inviting
or is it just the lighting
I hesitate to approach but fighting
the moment is hard my fists untightening
and i think I've learned to pick my missions
as we approach i lose all my inhibitions
my conscience sounds urgent but I can't listen
i cant hear it as I discover who i've been missin'
her lips slowly relax and glisten
now all of these emotions mixin
it's sickenin
but the arch in her back begged for my hand
as if we were puzzles and this was all planned
i can taste her breath, making my hair stand
i run my fingers up her neck collecting all the loose strands
pulling her in to experience the big bang
the chorus sang

this is what we all came for tonight
this is why we all fight through the day
to hear somebody say it'll be alright
to see those lips, call my name

Bridge
we're part of something bigger now
together standing in a crowd
feeling we're above the clouds
she whispers my name aloud

Chorus/altered
you're the reason i came out tonight
this is why i fought through all the days
now I know that things will be alright
read my lips, i love you babe

the audience all starts to clap
we take a bow and cut the track *cut the music
roses at our feet and backs
the spotlight fades to black

[D'Leh]

very nice homie---- maybe if you stay to the structure a little bit more its great very nice dude
look check my first song too man plz! viewtopic.php?f=24&t=65267

[classthe_king]

its an alright verse, you structure is way off, you need to work on that.