The TRshady Forum became read-only in December 2014. The 10 year history will live on, in this archive.
Continue the discussion with the new home for the Eminem and Hip Hop discussion: HipHopShelter.com.

New drop to fix my image...***UPDATED***

Want to share a poem, story or a moving article? Share creative literature text here.

New drop to fix my image...***UPDATED***

Postby King Bullet » Aug 27th, '09, 16:26

I know lotta you guys didn't like some of my shit.Well this is somethin' to fix my wrong image.This is just a verse from my new song,I'll post a snippet on myspace this evening.
Non-fictional feedback would be appreciated.Thank you. :worship:

I'm white and I rap so it's good that I got this far,
sensitive ears will in a second spot this bar,
defending my image,plus the trouble,shit it caught me hard.
I'm cold outside,but the blood is hot at heart.
Not too complexive,cause I want everyone to to understand and feel my message.
Cause it's not easy to stand when they heat this pressure.
Confidently I state that I'm better than half of rappers out there,
they jealous,so soon as I spit my shit they say they doubt that.
What do I gotta do to make you feel this pain?
I'm not a gangsta,not a thug,I'm not dealin' 'caine.
I'm just a kid from the 'burbs,willin' respect and willin' fame.
Another Eminem they say,man they kill my brain,
cause we not the same,only playin' cards in the same game.
I'm slightly goin' insane,how big picture do I gotta paint just to fit this frame?
It's really crazy the way they see me,askin' me why do I spit this way.
I'm bout to pitch this blade,so you better watch how you git this tape,
I'm sick of that shit,so I adress it and flip this page,
not mad anymore cause I'm ending that shift of rage.
Time to cut the shit and spit some flames...


P.S.-I posted the snippet,it's called Lonely At The Top.I added one more,Pen Bleedin'.Check it out on myspace http://www.myspace.com/rapdogg13 [sorry for the quality,but myspace just keeps fuckin up the quality of my songs...dunno why...]
Last edited by King Bullet on Aug 27th, '09, 18:37, edited 2 times in total.
At least I know that I don't know...question is: are you bozos smart enough to feel stupid?!-hope so!!!
User avatar
King Bullet
Trailer Trash
Trailer Trash
 
Posts: 231
Joined: Aug 24th, '09, 18:07
Location: Croatia
Gender: Male

Re: New drop to fix my image...

Postby gutawafang » Aug 27th, '09, 18:02

It's quite good. Though the subject matter seems a turn-off for me. Kinda like, you showing off or something, trying hard to attract fans. You have good flow and multis in this, I say.
ADD ME ON PS4: gutawafang
Currently playing: Destiny
Image
TR Rap Battle Record: 23-8
User avatar
gutawafang
Pill Popper
Pill Popper
 
Posts: 9474
Joined: Dec 13th, '07, 08:01
Location: Lion City
Gender: Male

Re: New drop to fix my image...

Postby King Bullet » Aug 27th, '09, 18:05

Thnx. :worship: Nah,it's not showin' off,it's more like makin' up to the readers and listeners because I posted a shitty drop before and it just felt wrong...So this is somethin' decent I came up with.
At least I know that I don't know...question is: are you bozos smart enough to feel stupid?!-hope so!!!
User avatar
King Bullet
Trailer Trash
Trailer Trash
 
Posts: 231
Joined: Aug 24th, '09, 18:07
Location: Croatia
Gender: Male

Re: New drop to fix my image...***UPDATED***

Postby Solace » Aug 27th, '09, 18:15

Yeah that was pretty good, definitely better but I really think talking about your white-ness in some lines and the comparisons about Eminem don't help take away those comparisons :sweating: But yeah keep it up with the multies

If you got some time later, mind returning feed on my new piece in CW?
Image
User avatar
Solace
Bad Influence
Bad Influence
 
Posts: 19901
Joined: Apr 25th, '08, 03:12
Gender: Male

Re: New drop to fix my image...***UPDATED***

Postby gutawafang » Aug 27th, '09, 18:22

Oh, you added a myspace link. :y: :y: :y:
ADD ME ON PS4: gutawafang
Currently playing: Destiny
Image
TR Rap Battle Record: 23-8
User avatar
gutawafang
Pill Popper
Pill Popper
 
Posts: 9474
Joined: Dec 13th, '07, 08:01
Location: Lion City
Gender: Male

Re: New drop to fix my image...***UPDATED***

Postby King Bullet » Aug 27th, '09, 18:23

Solace wrote:Yeah that was pretty good, definitely better but I really think talking about your white-ness in some lines and the comparisons about Eminem don't help take away those comparisons :sweating: But yeah keep it up with the multies

If you got some time later, mind returning feed on my new piece in CW?



Thnx man. :worship: Bout that Em thing,if you don't face or adress the problem,it'll never go away.
I'm goin' to check you out...
At least I know that I don't know...question is: are you bozos smart enough to feel stupid?!-hope so!!!
User avatar
King Bullet
Trailer Trash
Trailer Trash
 
Posts: 231
Joined: Aug 24th, '09, 18:07
Location: Croatia
Gender: Male

Re: New drop to fix my image...***UPDATED***

Postby Solace » Aug 27th, '09, 18:24

King Bullet wrote:
Solace wrote:Yeah that was pretty good, definitely better but I really think talking about your white-ness in some lines and the comparisons about Eminem don't help take away those comparisons :sweating: But yeah keep it up with the multies

If you got some time later, mind returning feed on my new piece in CW?



Thnx man. :worship: Bout that Em thing,if you don't face or adress the problem,it'll never go away.
I'm goin' to check you out...

Yeah man I get what you're talking about
Image
User avatar
Solace
Bad Influence
Bad Influence
 
Posts: 19901
Joined: Apr 25th, '08, 03:12
Gender: Male


Return to Creative Writing



Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users