first time at this

[SAballa99]

probably not that good but here it is....


all my life i was a good kid but now i brought out the hood kid
i went through a mental heat i mean really how could i be sweet
walking with an attitude living in my gratitude
mom wanting me to stop but i just get caught with the cops
dissappointing everyone around i could hear no sound
doing my thing i starting to roll with the kings
almost losing my life i know i can't do it twice
pouring in tears i can't show my peers that i have fears
pissed off all the time i always need a dime
doing that crime that last a lifetime
smoking that dope its the only way i cope
i dont have hope cause i'm on the tightrope
i see i'm a disgrace i'm even losing this footrace
no one beside me i will never feel free
screwing everything up i might as well sip that syrup
i'm in a war and i'm a lil offshore or maybe on your backdoor
dont believe in me cause there's still thieves in me
i am trying to change it just seems like i'm alway out of range
but now its time to adore so much more when i leave the inshore

[Spyder]

probably have the last words at least sound the same
i only saw two that rhymed and that was very basic rhyming

read some other peeps and ask for help

[classthe_king]

Pretty good for a first time. There was nothing very memorable about it, and the rhymes were very basic, but one of the better first pieces we've had in awhile, keep it up.

Spyder, he had a word in the beggining of a line rhyme with one at the end

[Spyder]

o well my bad, gotta rhyme tho or people wont even read your stuff
i mean i dont know how to flow tht or anything without em

[Spyder]

o fuck, im sorry i just got what class said
ok i see the rymes man, sorry not how im use to
after reading it... not bad man like the realness of it
maybe some more mutlies and complexity with more complex rhymes
but that all comes in time, not bad

[SAballa99]

oh alright. well thanks on the tips. i'll be sure to work on getting better

[Yah-hah]

Yeah man kinda basic but not bad for a first time. Keep it up homie just work on rhymin better and all that keep it up though