The TRshady Forum became read-only in December 2014. The 10 year history will live on, in this archive.
Continue the discussion with the new home for the Eminem and Hip Hop discussion: HipHopShelter.com.

"Round Two" - Long Verse, Feedback Please

Want to share a poem, story or a moving article? Share creative literature text here.

"Round Two" - Long Verse, Feedback Please

Postby theJFKshow » Sep 29th, '09, 07:38

Its JFK, on display, yeah I'm ready to dictate
I'll spit mase, in the face, of those who'll disgrace
A heavy weight, in this game, and that shit'll never change
At this pace, my name'll be heard across every state
Replacing any fucking phony faggots that imitate
Get out the way, on the stage, allow me to demonstrate
Let's set it straight, we can call it fate, cause you'll always
Know, when I spit, I was meant to dominate
By the why, its simple, my lyrics will cripple
Sending ripples through the masses massive life ending chemicals
Lightnings striking in your living room, this might be the end of you
This is rap at its pennicle, a miraculous interval
Pickin on you, throwin tons of broken glass in your tennis shoe
Diminished I'll finish you like a fucking bully in middle school
This is only just minuscule, next minute is critical
A villian, I'm cynical, your position is pitiful
A lyrical criminal bitch, listen this is your visual
Slicing, dicing umbillical cords from whores at their physical
It's official, I'm turning invisible, metaphysical
Without a trace, I'll hold your face down in a swimming pool
It's difficult, running when I'm covered in blood
Covered in mud, ain't coming back to cover you up
I'm telling you what, a little fuss aint nothing to us
You little cunts can't fuck with a couple of thugs
I sprit verses, feeling worse than a punch in the gut
I'm fucking the nuns, drunk, and I'm running a muck
Taking your little babies brains, and I'll jumble em up
Throw you under the bus, shucks no wonder I'm nuts
I'm sending attacks, on tracks, like I'm swingin an ax
I'm slingin the facts, fast, and I'm making it last
Let's make it exact, surpass, to the top of the class
We've egnited the gas, blasts, when me and Mikodin rap

_________________________________________________________________________


2nd song we've done together. We each have our own minute and a half verses. Let me know what you think. Audio coming soon.
theJFKshow
Renegade
Renegade
 
Posts: 2510
Joined: Feb 26th, '06, 22:16

Re: "Round Two" - Long Verse, Feedback Please

Postby mcZu » Sep 30th, '09, 20:04

Nice, dope multies. Lyrical it's good too, nice job.
"Truth is limitless in its range; if you drop a 'T' and look at it in reverse, it could hurt."
- Lupe Fiasco

Follow Me!

McZu's Blog!
User avatar
mcZu
Band Leader
Band Leader
 
Posts: 7297
Joined: Jun 17th, '08, 14:21
Location: Rotterdam
Gender: Male

Re: "Round Two" - Long Verse, Feedback Please

Postby Yah-hah » Oct 6th, '09, 18:49

Lovin the multis man :worship:
Image

"Red hand I use to reach deep in my dark quiver,
Arrow so big the fuckin bones in ya arm splinter
Fuckin crazy I'll stick my hand throgh ya hearts center,
With sharp scissors the words Native Pride gets carved in her,
"-Yah-hah

Trimss wrote:Your dog is cute, your tattoo fucking rocks, you can fight and your baby have a big dick.
Your life is cool bro lol :y:


Nundea Mekeze comin soon May 4th
User avatar
Yah-hah
Renegade
Renegade
 
Posts: 2724
Joined: Jun 7th, '09, 09:25
Location: El Dorado, Kansas USA
Gender: Male

Re: "Round Two" - Long Verse, Feedback Please

Postby Steve Spag » Oct 6th, '09, 19:10

Wow man, that is some seriously dope shit right there! Yes, it's a little Eminemish, but it was constructed very beautifully. When I read it aloud the flow was AMAZING and never slipped up; not even once. The rhymes were awesome, I love the wide vocab.

This is some good shit man, very impressed!
Keep it up!
:b:

P.S. Check out my newest drop to let me know what ya' think dude.
Former Rap God
Image
Image
User avatar
Steve Spag
Role Model
Role Model
 
Posts: 3055
Joined: Jul 14th, '06, 21:08
Location: Top Secret.
Gender: Male


Return to Creative Writing



Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users