My Stay Wide Awake verse

[wrestler1256]

I wrote this listenin to stay wide awake, so the flows like Ems and so is the content, but whatever this is my first real attempt at writing something

As u Enter the unforsaken darkness u do not prevail
U can never forsee the horror that partakes and will entail
U light the candle as the wax drips down onto the floor
And from behind you u hear a chainsaw as it starts to buzz n roar
U turn and see the blades spinning, flickering in the light
U turn the other way u start uh sprinting for your life
Only to be greated by a man wearing a manic mask
Your heart starts to pace as u start to have a panic attack
You have no where to go ur stuck they got u cornered in
Your vision becomes slow and u feel ur life is soon to End
U turn and see a man commiting an unreasonable murder
A bloody bystander screaming oh please please don't hurt her
But he ignores him n grabs a knife, slits her throat with a sharp thin blade
She starts to choke and u see blood drain as her skin goes pale n fades
U have an idea of what ur future contains n has in store
U can see ya future potrays Pain torture and horror
How'd u end up arriving in this horrid evil place
It's gotta be a nightmare as u see another screamin face
U gotta find out a way to esacape but u don't have time to think
Someone grabs by the neck and you wind up struggling in defeat

[Steve Spag]

That wasn't half-bad man, it was pretty dope actually! I felt like you had more words than needed at some points, but overall I enjoyed this piece very much.

Keep it up!

[wrestler1256]

ok thanks!
Em just seemed to squeez a bunch of words at the end of each line really fast in the real song
so i tried the same lol

[gutawafang]

You've got an interesting vocab bank. Dope in terms of choice of words.

[Just Silver]

Good looks its alot better when you think of the Stay Wide Awake flow but i also agree with spag

[Yah-hah]

Was pretty dope man. Yeah like they said but I listened to the song and read and I think I got wat you were doin there. Keep practicin and you'll be killin it