Down in the Trenches (Final)

[classthe_king]

Made alot of changes, FEED!

Why do we have to go on wit this conflict
Everybody thinkin they so dag gon sick
They like convicts, surrounded by so many bars
They’ll never escape the pain creates so many scars
Unload then we charge wit the guns n the missiles
Im like cagin animals so have fun wit the riddles
The tundra will cripple and now you lookin like a pc
Collapsing like bizarre’s flow rapping over three beats
Relieve the misery that exists for me till you hard-ly speak
The slice from the music will make all your arteries leak
Till you’re starting to bleed now rappers can’t handle tragedy
Or the blood stained fists that came wit the name attached to me
Scratch the beat, cause im bout to go down in the trenches
And you better never ever fuck around shits relentless
I’m pouncin the victims like a mother fuckin sabertooth
A crockadile that will rock ya style when they let the gator's loose
The traitors bruise, my torture methods torch n wreck this all in sport
Your breath ive clutched im death by touch, a lyrical voldemort
But ive been fallin short, i do it for hip hop, its a life savor
It' armed me with my light saber so im ready to fight vader

(Chorus) x2
Cause it seems like every time I hop on a track
It’s like warfare shots bein fired right back
Down in the trenches fightin off every attack
Wit my bro’s on my side and my foes getting cracked

Think you should battle me, you ain’t got nothin to lose
Well if you fuck wit me your face will be stuck in the news
Im thuggin on you, leave your ass struck n’ confused
And fuckin abused like Rihanna when she was busted n’ bruised
Ive got somethin to prove to everyone, im so anxious
I’ll blow the scope off the rifle and spit venom through the blank clips
I’ll take this game by storm, bitch you might wonder
Why my words of pain are like hurricanes, hit you like thunder
Split you like wonder bread, my terror makes the dead scream
Don’t play soft; you wanted a face off well im Ed Gein
Ill shred spleens with the power and might of a lion
My paws attain claws of pain so one swipe n you dyin
You won’t like what you’re findin, we're down in the trenches
And already know not to ever fuck around shits relentless
You ain't about to tempt this, i'll always retain dreams
A potential pro with a central flow, now thats main stream
You lame teens seekin pain if you speak the name, keep quiet
You better get the fuck out of the way when we riot
Reach high it will pay off when you reach the pinnacle
The most cynical is about fuck shit up like a Seminole

(Chorus) x2

[Emadyville]

vocab was pretty good, some good multi's, flow was a little eh, it seemed you put too many syllables in some lines, but overall it was pretty good, just work on the flow

[mcZu]

Second verse was better flow wise, the first verse is structured oddly. Try to fix up the structure and what Emady said, and your flow will be better in the first verse. Multies were consistent through out the whole thing, vocab was above average and the wordplay is getting better and better. Loved a lot of the punches. Chorus is okay. Enjoyed it, man. Keep it up.

[classthe_king]

Thanks alot I'll try to work on keeping my lines shorter.

[classthe_king]

Thinking you might as well battle me, you ain’t got nothin to lose
Well if you fuck wit me your face will be stuck in the news
Im thuggin on you, leave your ass struck n’ confused
And fuckin abused like Rihanna when she was busted n’ bruised
I’ll take this game by storm, bitch you might wonder
Why my words of pain are like hurricanes, hit you like thunder
Split you like wonder bread, my terror makes the dead scream
Don’t play soft; you wanted a face off well im Ed Gein

this is all fire ed gein line is fucking smart.

& the bitch-you-might-wonder hit-you-like-thunder sequence was kickass. as well as the rihanna line being funny

Thanks Amadeo

Thought of a couple more changes at football to make.

[DOPE]

Relieve the misery that exists for me till you hard-ly speak
The slice from the music will make all your arteries leak
Till you’re starting to bleed now rappers can’t handle tragedy
Or the blood stained fists that came wit the name attached to me

my favorite part.


good work man, real good

[classthe_king]

Relieve the misery that exists for me till you hard-ly speak
The slice from the music will make all your arteries leak
Till you’re starting to bleed now rappers can’t handle tragedy
Or the blood stained fists that came wit the name attached to me

my favorite part.


good work man, real good

Thanks