The TRshady Forum became read-only in December 2014. The 10 year history will live on, in this archive.
Continue the discussion with the new home for the Eminem and Hip Hop discussion: HipHopShelter.com.

Karnivoar-By Karnivoar

Want to share a poem, story or a moving article? Share creative literature text here.

Karnivoar-By Karnivoar

Postby ShaBruv » Dec 8th, '09, 21:11

A little sumthin i wrote in a few minutes while listening to the fught music instrumental and its to that beat

Tell me what u think.

U at the carnival, now meet a Karnivoar
Kill you now tear ur shreds and throw 'em on the floor
Wanna front on me i flip on you and break ur jaw
Wanna carry on i start and end a whole new war

Wage a war? What u doin what u want it for
Tell me now tell me why ya think ur hardcore
Try to beef with me and fall thru my trapdoor
Fuck around pin you down and cut ur cold sore

The feeling got when i see all ur blood and gore
Kill you again and again cuz i want some more
Your crys for help are so feeble and i ignore
Leave your bleeding body and let the rain pour

Guts gone i aint sorry i think your done for
Take all nite for rats to knaw and knaw
Lost your feet so you wont go to a shoestore
Soon we'll see a wheelchair on the dancefloor
I know you want to retaliate but you won't dare,
Cause you fuckin with some ****** like this who just don't care.

Image
Props to Satire
User avatar
ShaBruv
Soldier
Soldier
 
Posts: 1054
Joined: Aug 11th, '09, 18:53
Location: Spilsby-Lincolnshire
Gender: Male

Re: Karnivoar-By Karnivoar

Postby lilrossy » Dec 9th, '09, 14:31

not too bad. flowed well. but it was kinda like amature relapse material. needs multi's and punchlines to make it more interesting, so its not jus goin on and on.
keep practicing. :happy:
"Too fatal, unable to crash
Sluts I introduce to anal call me a pain in the ass"
"Got hoes suspicious. Even one peg leg bitches
After I came, fucked em with they own leg
They ain't know the difference"
-Copywrite
Image
User avatar
lilrossy
Trailer Trash
Trailer Trash
 
Posts: 290
Joined: Nov 3rd, '07, 03:26
Location: Australia
Gender: Male

Re: Karnivoar-By Karnivoar

Postby tjb » Dec 9th, '09, 14:45

wood have been way better if like lil rosy said more multies an punchlines were used
also more rhymes an description instead of generic words
SUBSCRIBE : http://www.youtube.com/user/ResidentialNoise

the emcee is me, the host for the night
papa doc, only thing i dont choke on the mic - redman

LISTEN UP: http://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=10104374
lets get this track to number 1!

LIKE IT: http://www.facebook.com/pages/TJB/19056 ... 663?ref=ts
User avatar
tjb
Soldier
Soldier
 
Posts: 685
Joined: Aug 26th, '08, 02:17
Location: america
Gender: Male

Re: Karnivoar-By Karnivoar

Postby bapetlk » Dec 30th, '09, 16:13

ShadyBruvaz wrote:A little sumthin i wrote in a few minutes while listening to the fught music instrumental and its to that beat

Tell me what u think.

U at the carnival, now meet a Karnivoar
Kill you now tear ur shreds and throw 'em on the floor
Wanna front on me i flip on you and break ur jaw
Wanna carry on i start and end a whole new war

Wage a war? What u doin what u want it for
Tell me now tell me why ya think ur hardcore
Try to beef with me and fall thru my trapdoor
Fuck around pin you down and cut ur cold sore

The feeling got when i see all ur blood and gore
Kill you again and again cuz i want some more
Your crys for help are so feeble and i ignore
Leave your bleeding body and let the rain pour

Guts gone i aint sorry i think your done for
Take all nite for rats to knaw and knaw
Lost your feet so you wont go to a shoestore
Soon we'll see a wheelchair on the dancefloor



STAN, go listen to something else
bapetlk
Closet Cleaner
Closet Cleaner
 
Posts: 8
Joined: Dec 30th, '09, 15:58


Return to Creative Writing



Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users