On To The Next One (by Jayz) what do you think of my verse?

[diamond537]

If you were given a chance to have a feature on Jayz song " On to the next one"What would your verse be. And tell me what you think of mine aswell
(link To Song:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sLgdmGkAUz0)

My Verse:

Millions upon Millions
Maybe in a couple of years even billions

I got that Law degree
at only twenty three

That girl's smart
She's in her own pedigree

Smart artist,smart craft
and You're still on you're first draft

I got more experience, your just coherent
My talent makes the whole world wanna spend it.

Do your same shame dance
What you need to do is enhance

Your too small voice wise
and you depend on your lame dance

I got the whole audience attention...
and I didn't even have to spread my legs open just to mention

And you're just an..."On to the next one"

[2sDay]

wrong section.
u have to post this in the creative writing section.

[slimsoxshady]

so you really have a Law degree?