The TRshady Forum became read-only in December 2014. The 10 year history will live on, in this archive.
Continue the discussion with the new home for the Eminem and Hip Hop discussion: HipHopShelter.com.

Gravedancers-GRAVEDANCERS MUTHERFUCKA

Want to share a poem, story or a moving article? Share creative literature text here.

Gravedancers-GRAVEDANCERS MUTHERFUCKA

Postby Yah-hah » Jan 6th, '10, 08:28

Yah-hah
I wait in the quietness, raging with giant fists,
Spit steel bars with a razor behind my lips,
Chewin faces up while I spit erasing the tires its,
Amazing the way I ride my whip,
With no tires and no engine,
No liar or repentance in the fire ends the liars existence,
Facin 10 jedis and all their bed's rise, they can't handle it,
I take two fingers to put out ya lightsaber like a candle wick,
I own this whole thing, the mics new master,
So ahead of my time my life moves backwards,
I spit limitless, livin in this blissed ignorance,
Sharp enough to split your ligaments into 6 increments,
Your listenin to me livin this like this isn't much,
I know that I'm so dope I won't piss in a cup,
Like it's fiction so wat its a certainty,
That he delivers verses perfectly,
Which fits the innerworkings of your innerperson inadvertantly,

We laughingly dancin on ya tombstone,
Choppin off ya noggin knockin on it like who's home,
5 killers, who put salt in ya cuts to make ya feel worse,
Cut ya steel nerves like bitch this hit'll still hurt.

Ms. Lunaverse
We ready to massacre these rappers worse,
I'll blast ya herse back to Earth,
My tracks'll hurt like the weave you had to work,
So won't you be our one and only passenger,
I laugh at your silly attempts,
Little kid on ya computer like your really a pimp,
Bitch you really a shrimp I'll put you in a headlock,
And I won't make the lead stop until ya fuckin head pops,
Grab the mechete are you ready to bleed that red sauce?
I'ma do complete reconstructive surgery and leave ya fuckin legs off,
You said pause, hold up, I can't take it,
I said stop, fold up, or get ya dome shakin'
I'm in ya home breakin all of these windows,
Sending all of these widows to the back with these sick flows,
I come to bring the pain and the ruckus,
Call me wu, I catch you, like I aint nothin to fuck with,


We laughingly dancin on ya tombstone,
Choppin off ya noggin knockin on it like who's home,
5 killers, who put salt in ya cuts to make ya feel worse,
Cut ya steel nerves like bitch this hit'll still hurt.

BILI
My sentences are making you blind
I`m like a philosopher with 2 minds
So you cant debate me,you cant escape me
You`re a pussy and this is a rape G
There`re 2 many fuckin fakers on forum
Gravedancers comin outa sanctum sanctorum
Now we`re takin this over,its time to die die
Now you all fakers gotta go bye-bye
We aint rappers we`re mass murderers
And I`m pretty sure ya all heard of us
I did Luby's massacre that took place in crappy Killeen
Most of the bitches on forum are disgrace to rap scene
Wanna collab wit me and Class wit stolen rhymes
Bitch after I`m don wit you,you`ll have swollen eyes
For all you know,you are going to die today
You cant deny our way,I`m God,so dont try to play
This is a warning to all you computer geeks
I`ll smack you wit the keyboard,till your brain leaks

We laughingly dancin on ya tombstone,
Choppin off ya noggin knockin on it like who's home,
5 killers, who put salt in ya cuts to make ya feel worse,
Cut ya steel nerves like bitch this hit'll still hurt

Fa-Q
I got a booby trap, wait who's ruby's that,
Nope, that's just a tripwire, that spawns a lit fire,
I blow it up beneath my feet, just to git higher,
But the fire spread, like rubber on a tire tread,
No don't believe, whatever that liar said,
I got poison cherries, hidden in boisen berries,
I'm the chosen one, fuck Neo, I'm pure Jesus,
Movin past Leprasy, I'm findin cures for diseases,
I'm renewing and recycle, a moving bicycle,
But the tires gone, there's mud stain on my iron on,
The fire siren's spawn, and the armys grow,
It harms me slow, I'm on a farm, free to grow,
I fight with a fuckin crystal ball, not usin a fist at all,
I just pissed in a stall, lifted the urinal above my head,
I shove the bed, in the grave, like I love the dead,
I waltz with the dead, fuck, fuck those thoughts in my head,
I'm a Grave dancer, bitch, I'm the street to your sickness,
I pave the cancer, am I killing you inside,
Never mind, Save yer answer

Coleon
you kids rock camo, act Rambo cruisin' your wifi
lunch box full a ammo, on heelies doin a drive by
cool just to write write rhymes, we spittin' to hell & back
you fellas wack, throwin' up cities like Godzilla on ipecac
for real, Decembers past, my lines still cold as shit
write with fire arms, but my bars are frozen stiff
smart and focused with the skill of the cobra fist
thrill with spoken gift, go for the kill with a Vulcan grip
these spitters old as shit, still respectin' the vet's skills
y'all Morpheus, I'm Neo sniffin the blue and red pills
Last edited by Yah-hah on Jan 7th, '10, 10:08, edited 2 times in total.
Image

"Red hand I use to reach deep in my dark quiver,
Arrow so big the fuckin bones in ya arm splinter
Fuckin crazy I'll stick my hand throgh ya hearts center,
With sharp scissors the words Native Pride gets carved in her,
"-Yah-hah

Trimss wrote:Your dog is cute, your tattoo fucking rocks, you can fight and your baby have a big dick.
Your life is cool bro lol :y:


Nundea Mekeze comin soon May 4th
User avatar
Yah-hah
Renegade
Renegade
 
Posts: 2724
Joined: Jun 7th, '09, 09:25
Location: El Dorado, Kansas USA
Gender: Male

Re: Gravedancers-GRAVEDANCERS MUTHERFUCKA

Postby Yah-hah » Jan 6th, '10, 08:46

Re-readin it and damn dude it's fire hahah Gravedancers motherfuckers! :rock:
Image

"Red hand I use to reach deep in my dark quiver,
Arrow so big the fuckin bones in ya arm splinter
Fuckin crazy I'll stick my hand throgh ya hearts center,
With sharp scissors the words Native Pride gets carved in her,
"-Yah-hah

Trimss wrote:Your dog is cute, your tattoo fucking rocks, you can fight and your baby have a big dick.
Your life is cool bro lol :y:


Nundea Mekeze comin soon May 4th
User avatar
Yah-hah
Renegade
Renegade
 
Posts: 2724
Joined: Jun 7th, '09, 09:25
Location: El Dorado, Kansas USA
Gender: Male

Re: Gravedancers-GRAVEDANCERS MUTHERFUCKA

Postby BILI » Jan 6th, '10, 11:45

Yeah its fuckin dope man, :worship:
Image
User avatar
BILI
Pill Popper
Pill Popper
 
Posts: 9998
Joined: Mar 26th, '09, 16:05
Location: Croatia
Gender: Male

Re: Gravedancers-GRAVEDANCERS MUTHERFUCKA

Postby Yah-hah » Jan 6th, '10, 11:55

Yeah whoever did the chorus is amazing :whistle: Yeah she been busy lately I guess. Thanks for lookin ma, Gravedancers baby
Image

"Red hand I use to reach deep in my dark quiver,
Arrow so big the fuckin bones in ya arm splinter
Fuckin crazy I'll stick my hand throgh ya hearts center,
With sharp scissors the words Native Pride gets carved in her,
"-Yah-hah

Trimss wrote:Your dog is cute, your tattoo fucking rocks, you can fight and your baby have a big dick.
Your life is cool bro lol :y:


Nundea Mekeze comin soon May 4th
User avatar
Yah-hah
Renegade
Renegade
 
Posts: 2724
Joined: Jun 7th, '09, 09:25
Location: El Dorado, Kansas USA
Gender: Male

Re: Gravedancers-GRAVEDANCERS MUTHERFUCKA

Postby BILI » Jan 6th, '10, 12:04

Yah-hah wrote:Yeah whoever did the chorus is amazing :whistle: Yeah she been busy lately I guess. Thanks for lookin ma, Gravedancers baby

yeah chorus is dope man

I hope that class knows what I`m talkin wit that line :whistle:
Image
User avatar
BILI
Pill Popper
Pill Popper
 
Posts: 9998
Joined: Mar 26th, '09, 16:05
Location: Croatia
Gender: Male

Re: Gravedancers-GRAVEDANCERS MUTHERFUCKA

Postby Spyder » Jan 6th, '10, 22:20

finally i see ya asses

Feed: YH - best on the track man, hella fire. i love your verse beggining to end, the only thing i could say was dont rhyme just to rhyme as ive said before. however that was this peice, much like the Generals first piece so kudos on everything

BILI&Fa-Q - you guys were alright but just got outshined

Luna - i felt most of your multies were uneeded and you were tryin to swaggerjack YH, the rhymes were dope but all the uneeded rhymes hurt the flow for me. i felt like i had already read it because of YH verse being before yours.

Col - ima have to be honest, this was a let down for me. i know your just coming back to writing and youve been dope in battles. but you need to seperate that section from this section and work more on punchlines that arnt directed at anyone. youll get back into it but YH got this one

7.5/10 YH saved this, except better from you guys next time :sweating:
ImageImageImage
User avatar
Spyder
Pill Popper
Pill Popper
 
Posts: 9418
Joined: Jan 31st, '09, 01:56
Location: El Dorado
Gender: Male

Re: Gravedancers-GRAVEDANCERS MUTHERFUCKA

Postby Spyder » Jan 6th, '10, 22:36

Coleon wrote:
Spyder wrote:
Col - ima have to be honest, this was a let down for me. i know your just coming back to writing and youve been dope in battles. but you need to seperate that section from this section and work more on punchlines that arnt directed at anyone. youll get back into it but YH got this one



No sweat man, I actually wasn't gonna be on the track cause I knew I wouldn't be up to par but I had to throw something at it, all's fair :y:

I'm stuck in battle mode


yeah i was stuck in CW... so my battles werent nuttin, now im stuck in RB mode so my album on hold hahaha
ImageImageImage
User avatar
Spyder
Pill Popper
Pill Popper
 
Posts: 9418
Joined: Jan 31st, '09, 01:56
Location: El Dorado
Gender: Male

Re: Gravedancers-GRAVEDANCERS MUTHERFUCKA

Postby mcZu » Jan 6th, '10, 23:00

Hook says 4 killers, yet I count 5 emcee's. Either one of y'all aint a killer, or I can't count.

That said, nice piece. I kinda agree with Spydie on this, I think Yah and Fa-Q had the best verses on this, even BILI brought his a game to the table, Luna's verse was dope as well and Cole did his thing, which is kinda not as it used to be, but he's a bit rusty. Hopefully that rust will come off. Keep it up Gravedancers.
"Truth is limitless in its range; if you drop a 'T' and look at it in reverse, it could hurt."
- Lupe Fiasco

Follow Me!

McZu's Blog!
User avatar
mcZu
Band Leader
Band Leader
 
Posts: 7297
Joined: Jun 17th, '08, 14:21
Location: Rotterdam
Gender: Male

Re: Gravedancers-GRAVEDANCERS MUTHERFUCKA

Postby Just Silver » Jan 7th, '10, 00:07

really nice didn't even know you were in a group i was gone for so long lol
Image
User avatar
Just Silver
Band Leader
Band Leader
 
Posts: 7791
Joined: Jun 27th, '09, 03:40
Location: East Coast
Gender: Male

Re: Gravedancers-GRAVEDANCERS MUTHERFUCKA

Postby classthe_king » Jan 7th, '10, 00:52

Yah-hah
I wait in the quietness, raging with giant fists,
Spit steel bars with a razor behind my lips,
Chewin faces up while I spit erasing the tires its,
Amazing the way I ride my whip,
With no tires and no engine,
No liar or repentance in the fire ends the liars existence,
Facin 10 jedis and all their bed's rise, they can't handle it,
I take two fingers to put out ya lightsaber like a candle wick,
I own this whole thing, the mics new master,
So ahead of my time my life moves backwards,
I spit limitless, livin in this blissed ignorance,
Sharp enough to split your ligaments into 6 increments,
Your listenin to me livin this like this isn't much,
I know that I'm so dope I won't piss in a cup,
Like it's fiction so wat its a certainty,
That he delivers verses perfectly,
Which fits the innerworkings of your innerperson inadvertantly,

Ok, yah, you've mastered multis and incorporating them into your pieces to create vivid images and that really helps your rap but i think you need to start working on your wordplay to get better punches. You need lines that makes the reader say damn, or just lol. I saw your dope line but that really wasn't that good and that's all that you had really.

Ms. Lunaverse
We ready to massacre these rappers worse,
I'll blast ya herse back to Earth,
My tracks'll hurt like the weave you had to work,
So won't you be our one and only passenger,
I laugh at your silly attempts,
Little kid on ya computer like your really a pimp,
Bitch you really a shrimp I'll put you in a headlock,
And I won't make the lead stop until ya fuckin head pops,
Grab the mechete are you ready to bleed that red sauce?
I'ma do complete reconstructive surgery and leave ya fuckin legs off,
You said pause, hold up, I can't take it,
I said stop, fold up, or get ya dome shakin'
I'm in ya home breakin all of these windows,
Sending all of these widows to the back with these sick flows,
I come to bring the pain and the ruckus,
Call me wu, I catch you, like I aint nothin to fuck with,

This is honestly the first verse i've ever read from you. You look exactly like yah-hah except without as good imagery and vocabulary. I've said this to him so many times ive given up but ill say it to you. Your stuff will be alot better if you structure it up better and give it a better flow, it will help alot.


BILI
My sentences are making you blind
I`m like a philosopher with 2 minds
So you cant debate me,you cant escape me
You`re a pussy and this is a rape G
There`re 2 many fuckin fakers on forum
Gravedancers comin outa sanctum sanctorum
Now we`re takin this over,its time to die die
Now you all fakers gotta go bye-bye
We aint rappers we`re mass murderers
And I`m pretty sure ya all heard of us
I did Luby's massacre that took place in crappy Killeen
Most of the bitches on forum are disgrace to rap scene
Wanna collab wit me and Class wit stolen rhymes
Bitch after I`m don wit you,you`ll have swollen eyes
For all you know,you are going to die today
You cant deny our way,I`m God,so dont try to play
This is a warning to all you computer geeks
I`ll smack you wit the keyboard,till your brain leaks

BILI you've been rapping for awhile now, you need to be more creative with your songs. Learn from Yah-hah and coleon. There some of the most creative people here. Fa-q and Lunaverse to, from what ive seen from her. Every verse of yours just sounds the same, im starting to see some more multis but it's rising very very slowley. Just try to use some lines that would make people say wow.


Fa-Q
I got a booby trap, wait who's ruby's that,
Nope, that's just a tripwire, that spawns a lit fire,
I blow it up beneath my feet, just to git higher,
But the fire spread, like rubber on a tire tread,
No don't believe, whatever that liar said,
I got poison cherries, hidden in boisen berries,
I'm the chosen one, fuck Neo, I'm pure Jesus,
Movin past Leprasy, I'm findin cures for diseases,
I'm renewing and recycle, a moving bicycle,
But the tires gone, there's mud stain on my iron on,
The fire siren's spawn, and the armys grow,
It harms me slow, I'm on a farm, free to grow,
I fight with a fuckin crystal ball, not usin a fist at all,
I just pissed in a stall, lifted the urinal above my head,
I shove the bed, in the grave, like I love the dead,
I waltz with the dead, fuck, fuck those thoughts in my head,
I'm a Grave dancer, bitch, I'm the street to your sickness,
I pave the cancer, am I killing you inside,
Never mind, Save yer answer

A good verse, nothing stood out to me though. You had good rhymes and a good flow and I liked your transitions between rhymes. You just had your crazy lines and i guess that's your style but like yahhah id like to see you work on some more punchlines.

Coleon
you kids rock camo, act Rambo cruisin' your wifi
lunch box full a ammo, on heelies doin a drive by
cool just to write write rhymes, we spittin' to hell & back
you fellas wack, throwin' up cities like Godzilla on ipecac
for real, Decembers past, my lines still cold as shit
write with fire arms, but my bars are frozen stiff
smart and focused with the skill of the cobra fist
thrill with spoken gift, go for the kill with a Vulcan grip
these spitters old as shit, still respectin' the vet's skills
y'all Morpheus, I'm Neo sniffin the blue and red pills

Like spyder said, you just need to get back in the hang of things. Flow was nice but that's about it.
You think your personal attacks make up for what you lack?
User avatar
classthe_king
Addict
Addict
 
Posts: 14163
Joined: Feb 12th, '09, 02:30
Location: Ohio
Gender: Male

Re: Gravedancers-GRAVEDANCERS MUTHERFUCKA

Postby Yah-hah » Jan 7th, '10, 03:19

Thanks yall lol at class givin up on my structure lmao I know man I'm hardheaded. :sweating: Yeah I'm makin sure I got the multis on full lock. I'm starting to see where I can put more wordplay and punches in my stuff. I appreciate it yall, this is for sure a multi group lmao. Yeah in Luna's defense she aint really used to this kind of rap. She basically just spit dope mutlis and all that. And lmao at zu on the chorus I forgot to correct it. I made that before coleon jumped in hahah. Thanks for the love homies
Image

"Red hand I use to reach deep in my dark quiver,
Arrow so big the fuckin bones in ya arm splinter
Fuckin crazy I'll stick my hand throgh ya hearts center,
With sharp scissors the words Native Pride gets carved in her,
"-Yah-hah

Trimss wrote:Your dog is cute, your tattoo fucking rocks, you can fight and your baby have a big dick.
Your life is cool bro lol :y:


Nundea Mekeze comin soon May 4th
User avatar
Yah-hah
Renegade
Renegade
 
Posts: 2724
Joined: Jun 7th, '09, 09:25
Location: El Dorado, Kansas USA
Gender: Male


Return to Creative Writing



Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users