Wreck ft. JamaicanPattlez- Strong Message

[Wreck]

Wreck Link of Feed- viewtopic.php?f=24&t=135495
JamaicanPattlez Link of Feed- viewtopic.php?f=24&t=134232

Wreck

I got Jersey on my back, like I play for the Nets
I got a sick VBV crack, I think I'll save it for next
My bitch aching for sex, I'll kill you, then save Clay Aiken for next
I rape beats like I'm David Koresh, i'm baking his flesh
I'm like this shit is for the birds & bees, like the Twitter sig
They call me bad ass, cause my horrific shitter's big
Piss on instrumentals like I'm the cat Novak
I'm off crack, Hilel Slovak, once you've had black you never go back
I shave my nuts, then sell the pubes on Ebay............Scott Tenorman
My plot's better than it's ever been, I go in for the kill like a war veteran
Revamped style, new lines like a Coke thief
Smoked weed, broke cheese, split it with the homies
Oh, did I say something offensive? I tell em to suck it- my tube pipe
I'm too nice, for rude dikes, to keep running up with new advice
2 wrongs do make 2 rights, if you make a left on the way there
I never play fair, fuck you gay squares, coming up to me like "Hey there!"

JamaicanPattlez

I always thank the Lord for just giving me hands,
Cause that right there's the whole power of Man,
Our magic's called dreaming and our talent's called drive,
Now imagine all the scheming if I practiced all the time,
We hide away our flaws with some drag queen makeup,
And cry away our problems after a nasty breakup,
Sometimes I'm just amazed at how our world just functions,
We hit the grind, get a grade, and we always expect somethin',
And when we don't, we sit there bitterly just cussin' out God,
Then when everything's going good, we must be covering our problems,
Yet not even a block away, there's a family who's starving,
Where they don't even stop to say it, they're happily carving
Their futures, because they've got two kids,
This is why it's crucial to have a Life Blueprint,
So next time you're stressing over your own life,
Remember there are people never at the full glowing light.

[Willy]

You had a lot of multi's, though I'm not really a fan of your structure. Too many pauses for me.. but that's just me. Also, you use next twice, granted its part of a multi but...just not too fond of that either. However, there were some pretty humorous lines in there.

The tube pipe, too nice, rude dikes had a pretty sick buildup, but then you end with "new advice". And, I'm not someone that typically cares too much if its a syllable off, but with this kind of buildup it would of been better off as two syllables.

Another thing is you ended on a pretty weak note, seemed like you just needed another two lines to rhyme, but didn't say much.

Overall, it was a pretty fun feed, and I don't mean to sound overly negative, just pointing out the things that I thought were off. You are definitely doing more things right than wrong mayne.

[JamaicanPattlez]

You had a lot of multi's, though I'm not really a fan of your structure. Too many pauses for me.. but that's just me. Also, you use next twice, granted its part of a multi but...just not too fond of that either. However, there were some pretty humorous lines in there.

The tube pipe, too nice, rude dikes had a pretty sick buildup, but then you end with "new advice". And, I'm not someone that typically cares too much if its a syllable off, but with this kind of buildup it would of been better off as two syllables.

Another thing is you ended on a pretty weak note, seemed like you just needed another two lines to rhyme, but didn't say much.

Overall, it was a pretty fun feed, and I don't mean to sound overly negative, just pointing out the things that I thought were off. You are definitely doing more things right than wrong mayne.

Who you talking about about man?

[Willy]

My bad, that was for Wreck, give me a minute to finish writin' this paper and I'll drop you some feedback too.

[JamaicanPattlez]

My bad, that was for Wreck, give me a minute to finish writin' this paper and I'll drop you some feedback too.

You got it.

[Nefarious]

I dont come and comment in here much at all.

I prefered the second verse.

I hate name dropping and the style Wreck wrote with, using the word Like and terrible bad influencial content.

My example for what i mean is just, reading his verse made me feel like, he wasnt that very good of a person inside haha.

But other than that, his writing still looked good, just not my favourite slice of cake.

Writing about how life is these days and how people think these days just sucks.
Everyone's mind is clouded with nastyness, gotta get back to the true soul of what rapping is.

[Sam.]

Wreck:
This is not your best work bro, sorry. I liked the Rhyme Scheme that you were aiming for, reminded me of Tupac's Style of doing it. The praises ends here.....Epic Music......in the desperate attempt to make some dope punches you ended up saying things really random.Sorry, I didn't like the content on this an also the Name Drops(lol why?).You manages to bring up a new type of Flow though and that's it; nothing else was innovative about this Verse.And no strong message was delivered.

JP:
I liked your approach to the Topic, it was more serious and showed the inclination to stay on Topic more. The Multis were weak at places but you managed to cover up this lack in the lines that followed. Some how I felt that you didn't end this verse on the same note that you started this Verse though. Work on the consistencies in your verse's, I know you can though, just felt like saying this.

[JamaicanPattlez]

Thanks man. Could you explain what you mean further?

[Sam.]

Consistency in the overall VERSE was lacking, you started off real strong but the ending was pretty flat. The whole Verse should have an overall good impact, few downs in the middle of the Verse is acceptable but not at the end of the Verse when you're finishing it. Doing that takes the shine from the Verse.

[Wreck]

Wreck:
This is not your best work bro, sorry. I liked the Rhyme Scheme that you were aiming for, reminded me of Tupac's Style of doing it. The praises ends here.....Epic Music......in the desperate attempt to make some dope punches you ended up saying things really random.Sorry, I didn't like the content on this an also the Name Drops(lol why?).You manages to bring up a new type of Flow though and that's it; nothing else was innovative about this Verse.And no strong message was delivered.

JP:
I liked your approach to the Topic, it was more serious and showed the inclination to stay on Topic more. The Multis were weak at places but you managed to cover up this lack in the lines that followed. Some how I felt that you didn't end this verse on the same note that you started this Verse though. Work on the consistencies in your verse's, I know you can though, just felt like saying this.

I didn't write to a topic, because he thought of the name after he wrote his verse, I just wrote a verse to just spit, but thanks for the feed man, I'll work on all that you mentioned. I agree, some things were random, I just wrote em with punches & multis in mind.

I dont come and comment in here much at all.

I prefered the second verse.

I hate name dropping and the style Wreck wrote with, using the word Like and terrible bad influencial content.

My example for what i mean is just, reading his verse made me feel like, he wasnt that very good of a person inside haha.

But other than that, his writing still looked good, just not my favourite slice of cake.

Writing about how life is these days and how people think these days just sucks.
Everyone's mind is clouded with nastyness, gotta get back to the true soul of what rapping is.

I'm not a bad person, I'm a very good person, that's just how I wrote the rap. Thanks for the feed though regardless.

[JamaicanPattlez]

You guys seemed like you were on different pages for this song. Wreck was crazy and used shock value, and JP was deep, with a real message.

You both technically had "strong messages" but it felt weird shifting like that.

And JP your flow was dirtyyy

Thank you sir! I try.

[Wreck]

You guys seemed like you were on different pages for this song. Wreck was crazy and used shock value, and JP was deep, with a real message.

You both technically had "strong messages" but it felt weird shifting like that.

And JP your flow was dirtyyy

That's how I feel too . Thanks for the feed.

[JamaicanPattlez]

Maybe a hook wouldn've helped...

[Wreck]

Maybe a hook wouldn've helped...

Would of?

[JamaicanPattlez]

Maybe a hook wouldn've helped...

Would of?

Yeah, that way it would've sounded odd, but I didn't think of it while writing.