First Step (Admission)

[Solace]

So I'm looking into the mirror, it's clearer that this isn't me,
I wished to be a sick MC, staying strong and ripping beats,
Re-do's, now I wish to have a million see, I've had an epiphany,
Since when was I this villain teen, no more taking shit you'll see,
Attitude...Looking back I'd rip my lyric sheets to a million pieces,
I've always had to shout and now I realize no one's listening,
Fuck is wrong with you, Solace b? Honestly here's my honesty,
Since when did I care so much 'bout what people thought of me?
Obviously this question I have been pondering a lot you see,
Jealousy and hatred, heh look how far this shit's gotten me,
All these losses jeez, now I understand all this animosity,
Stress I'm fighting, I can't even get a fucking girl to talk to me,
"Fuck you, look at your fucking life," I hear myself mocking me,
I'm a slacking ass, failure who just came back from class,
My mother yelling at me, because I'm barely passing math,
Intelligence? What is that? I'm a retard yeah, that's a fact,
I'm still wearing my same clothes...Fuck being back in black,
"Omar, you ain't thinking rightly, you ain't even finished writing!
Make me an album cover bro!" Yo all you bitches bite me,
Life upside down, tipsy turvy really seems to get me nervy,
Shit it's hurting, headaches from the sounds of bullets bursting,
This madness, sadness, it's seems for depression, I'm an addict,
Hit the pillow, how far I will go to see my father with a fat lip,
To me it's no biggie, that I grew up a fucking screw up,
That's what I tell myself, "Least you got the people you love."

I put a lot of effort in this. Especially coming out of writers block, this was hard to get out. I would really appreciate feedback. Thank you, in advance.

[Nimbus_9]

your mechanics are great man, like great, you do every thing well, the only thing I could say is using larger multies, other than that this was a great piece man

keep it up

[Spyder]

felt it bro
i loved the mutlies, as said before were similiar with rhyme sceems

Fuck is wrong with you, Solace b? Honestly here's my honesty,
Since when did I care so much 'bout what people thought of me?

dope man, loved those lines could really relate

[Wic Kid]

Are you guys tellin me that a 14-year-old wrote this?

[Boston]

i think your a phenomonal (or howeva u spell it) writer for your age. and above average compared to most in general. it takes a lot to come out of writers block so ill give u props on writing this just cuz of that. its a good piece the only thing i can critique is basically the same shit i can about my own writing. yeah we like multis, cant picture writing without em, but we (ill say we so i can take my own advice) shud start spicing it up somewhat.. use different words, not the ordinary basic ones. you know
but good drop none the less, i just feel i always have to critique something so it wont look like im ass kissin or something aha. but i jus try to help n be honest but keep it up

[Wic Kid]

This piece is just...

I love these CW shit I can rhyme instantly in the first readin. Super flow. Your multies were awesome, not forcin them, they just look so natural in there. I dig the concept too

Overall,

[Solace]

Thank you all for the positive and encouraging comments

@Boston, definitely, I will try to expand my vocabulary.

[Fa-Q]

When you end lines in words like "see" I veiw that as either lack of imagination or vocab...and I think its lazy in my opinion by that's just my opinion...if it works for you and your flow, then by all means do it...


As far as structure, flow, and story/meaning...dope and I liked the self reflection in this...everyone that's a legitimate MC has had these same thoughts

[Edge]

Are you guys tellin me that a 14-year-old wrote this?

hes 14?

[DƎRDYPK]

Are you guys tellin me that a 14-year-old wrote this?

hes 14?

yup
The only 14 year old I know with such a sick flow
This was really dope Solace...If I could pick one bar to quote it would be

Since when did I care so much 'bout what people thought of me?
Obviously this question I have been pondering a lot you see,

very dope man....even with or without writers block your still dope as fuck
stay droppin

[mcZu]

If this was written to a beat, then it must have been a beat with changes in rythm, 'cause the flow changes halfway through. Choice of words is decent, don't get me wrong, you had some lines that I consider quote-material; however, using ''see'' twice to construct a multie is kinda basic.
Multies are dope, solid rhyme scheme through out the whole piece. Though at some spots it seemed kinda forced to me, dunno, maybe it's just me. If I had the beat to listen to while reading your verse I could give you probably some more in depth feed. Content was good, nice way of using a mirror to create two entities that are having a convo about you, nice way of portraying a self reflection Omar.

Bottom line, I enjoyed reading it, and think that it's good considering that I can tell that it's written with care. So probs on beating that writers block, and keep dropping.

[Solace]

Major thanks to all who have fed

In response:
Yeah, Fa-Q/McZu i noticed myself that I would use "see" a little too much. It kinda annoyed myself but I was happy with the lines either way so I kept it. Zu, I didn't write this to a beat. I pretty much made that whole flow thing myself, maybe it's a little too much trying to copy Eminem but it just comes to me naturally to switch up the flow or else I'll feel bored. Thanks PK, really glad you like it. And yea The Edge, I'm 14.

[Requiem]

holy shit man.. i saw the quote in your sig and i was like fuck that's dope!

so i searched it and here i am.

hands down the dopest shit i've read from you.... now if only you could spit that


hell i'll spit it if you can't do it, as a cover or sumtn.. cuz this shits dope and needs audio

[Edge]

props, i thought u were older haha

[Solace]

props, i thought u were older haha

Thanks dude.

holy shit man.. i saw the quote in your sig and i was like fuck that's dope!

so i searched it and here i am.

hands down the dopest shit i've read from you.... now if only you could spit that


hell i'll spit it if you can't do it, as a cover or sumtn.. cuz this shits dope and needs audio

Oh, John you sly devil.

Haha thanks man appreciate it. I would eventually like to spit this yeahh...I know that when I get a mic I'll probably stop writing and instead record old pieces/recycle. This, and Foray Into My Thoughts (another piece of mine with similar matter as this one) are to be recorded for sure...They're my favourite. And soon enough I'll start recording the way I used to Maybe get Anonymous to mix 'cause you aint on as much