War feat. ShaBruv

[classthe_king]

[ShaBruv]
Satan's my master and he's following me around
Leaving me in pieces bodies hollow in ground,

Alright first, the syllabes are off for this rhymes. It would be better if it was hollow in the ground. Although I don't really know what you are talking about in that second line. It doesn't really make sense at all.

Sorrow i surround, i'm afraid this could be,
the fucking darkest day of everyday in history

Flow is a little off on this part, one of the two lines needs another syllable to make it flow smoother, can't figure out which one.

But they whisper to me, and i cannot resist,
The fucking anarchy, a satan activist
Into the black abyss,

This was probably the best part of the whole thing, it flowed really well.

The rest is pretty basic, you had some pretty good rhyming, this was a good verse.

[ShaBruv]

Yeah lol, i meant it to be in the ground, just a typing mistake

and i meant that he's leaving me in pieces, leaving my body in the ground as if he's killed me and now im but a piece of my former self.

and the second bit of feed you said, it's hard to show but i flowed that second line a lot faster, andthis could be i say like this coul be (speeding up the flow again)
perhaps it would've been better with it structured like this

Sorrow i surround, i
'm afraid this could be,
the fucking darkest day of everyday in history

but thanks for the feed

[WakeUpShow]

[ShaBruv]
Satan's my master and he's following me around
Leaving me in pieces bodies hollow in ground,

Alright first, the syllabes are off for this rhymes. It would be better if it was hollow in the ground. Although I don't really know what you are talking about in that second line. It doesn't really make sense at all.

Sorrow i surround, i'm afraid this could be,
the fucking darkest day of everyday in history

Flow is a little off on this part, one of the two lines needs another syllable to make it flow smoother, can't figure out which one.

But they whisper to me, and i cannot resist,
The fucking anarchy, a satan activist
Into the black abyss,

This was probably the best part of the whole thing, it flowed really well.

The rest is pretty basic, you had some pretty good rhyming, this was a good verse.

any feed for me?