Just wrote this real fast, it's not very good

[classthe_king]

I’m forgiven for things I do wrong in life
But I’m never really the one to apologize
I keep it all inside but as I make this rap
I wish I could turn the hands of time and take it back
Especially to Taylor, you were better half
And probably the best friend that I have ever had
And looking back now it still makes me feel sick
Just knowing that I was actin like a real dick
If I could heal it I would but its breakin my heart
Without you I wouldn’t have made it this far
I was stuck in a mind state full of blind hate
Every sensible thought was lost behind rage
As I was writin Promise Me I was the last
Person to think I’d be able to say my life’s great
But I altered my fate; replaced the negatives
With positives so now I embrace the present gifts

http://www.forum.trshady.com/viewtopic.php?f=24&t=103161

[ShaBruv]

some great muti's

never seem to feel rage and hate work well as a multi, but thats just me

Decent drop, as you said not as good as your usual drops

[macdaddy019967]

need to spend more time on it
its ok though
the multies are there as posted above but i just think u need to make a collab with someone who has a different style as you
repetitive style is not good imo
try sacjb

[BILI]

need to spend more time on it
its ok though
the multies are there as posted above but i just think u need to make a collab with someone who has a different style as you
repetitive style is not good imo
try sacjb

It was dope imo...idk why you think that its not go tho.

[Solace]

And looking back now it still makes me feel sick
Just knowing that I was actin like a real dick

The flow was a little awkward here for me, and saying "dick" sort of felt out of place. Surely it could've been worded better?

Every sensible thought was lost behind rage
As I was writin Promise Me I was the last
Person to think I’d be able to say my life’s great

That was a nice little switch up there and the Promise Me reference.

Overall well written, and honest. Since you wrote it real fast, with some time it could be great. Reminds me a lot of Promise Me too, with all the friend mentions and how truthful you are. Glad things are working better for you in life too

[SlimShadyX313X]

Dope

[classthe_king]

And looking back now it still makes me feel sick
Just knowing that I was actin like a real dick

The flow was a little awkward here for me, and saying "dick" sort of felt out of place. Surely it could've been worded better?

Every sensible thought was lost behind rage
As I was writin Promise Me I was the last
Person to think I’d be able to say my life’s great

That was a nice little switch up there and the Promise Me reference.

Overall well written, and honest. Since you wrote it real fast, with some time it could be great. Reminds me a lot of Promise Me too, with all the friend mentions and how truthful you are. Glad things are working better for you in life too

Thanks bro, I'll probably work on this more tommorow. It helps me to work on a verse in multiple days cause today where I couldn't think of a rhyme or a way to word something tommorow I might be able to. If you want to help me you know your opinion is valued

[ChristinaE12]

Not bad, the storytelling is there.. Not as good as your other pieces. Obviously though, if you didn't spend much time on it. I think it has good potential. Especially if you do work on it more.

I'd like to see when it's updated/finished.

[Relapse.LP]

dope sh!t

[ThomasJ]

This was great, I loved it.

Especially to Taylor, you were better half

That doesn't make sense, I think you meant to say

Especially to Taylor, you were my better half

Also, the dick part doesn't fit in IMO, 'cause the rest of the verse is clean.

But overall, the multies are great, the flow is great, the verse is great.