off the edge

[Ka0t1c]

It's not a secret or myth but i think that i get the hint you wanna sink my ship
just admit since my gift aint counterfeit
and i'd give all to fit in except sell out, even if rock bottom i hit
cuz i will let no doubt begin to shift my ground, instead
i'll become unwound, ready with no script
while you're headin to the clouds
yep, death is really quick and you left me with your crowd
so now the dust is thick, Armageddon's the world wild
i wouldn't wanna stick around but i'm proud
you've picked the wrong one to be up against
cuz now you're long gone you son of a bitch
i'm on the fritz and outta my wits
bound to quickly fall off the edge and you're following with
balance won't help, drown in the abyss
and then we never again will ever be missed
together cuz this is what our destiny is
a tether, i bet you'll remember me, devil
which level you at, 666
a hell hole, the hottest pit?
well i wonder how to submit
as a permanent resident
with no debt for my rent
other than my spirit kept well kemped
to direct the champs to your camp of chimps
and combat, you're up to bat, you whimp

[Edge]

heres my advice: add more complexity by adding some multis and also become more structured. get the syllable count better because this was hard to flow with one line being long and the next short than back to long

you had some good ideas, it was just a little messy and basic rhyming... keep at it man

[Ka0t1c]

i appreciate your opinion, but i strongly disagree with you, but then again, this rhyme is mine and i can rap it better than you apparantly

[Edge]

i appreciate your opinion, but i strongly disagree with you, but then again, this rhyme is mine and i can rap it better than you apparantly

not apparantly, obviously you could rap it better than i can, u wrote it... and if typed like thats the easiest way for u to spit it than thats cool too.. you ever see eminems writings? mad hard to read... but when your putting your stuff on a website for othe people to give their feedback, no need get defensive, i like it, itd just be a lot easier to read and flow with more structure to it

[Ka0t1c]

true. thanx. peace.