Punchline 8

[WakeUpShow]

My rapping skills are equal to that of Mrs. Claus
Every one of your drops are filled with bitten bars
Matter of fact you've bitten more bars than Augustus Gloop
I rap over pieces of art, and you mumble over disgusting loops.
You haven't heard such a killer delivery since Patrick Sherrill
You say that you're on top, well guess what? I'm past that level.
Your raps are weaker than store brand saran.
You're now realizing I'm more than a man


http://www.forum.trshady.com/viewtopic.php?f=24&t=104716

[WakeUpShow]

thanks alot man! i really appreciate the feedback

[HipHopHead]

The flow had a couple kinks in it and the punches were a bit bland but practice makes perfect.

[WakeUpShow]

The flow had a couple kinks in it and the punches were a bit bland but practice makes perfect.

thanks for the feedback man, but you have to admit you liked the augustus gloop one haha

[Xray]

That was weak. Punches were too obvious written. If you're not that good at punches, you don't need every line to be a punch, that's just forced as hell in my opinion. I know you're practicing but work on your punchline ideas and focus on making a couple of punches in a verse so you can execute them better rather than having every line as a punch. Think of things/places/people that everyone knows so you have an advantage because you know more about it, that way you have a couple of options working out which direction you'll go with.

[Enimee]

That was weak. Punches were too obvious written. If you're not that good at punches, you don't need every line to be a punch, that's just forced as hell in my opinion. I know you're practicing but work on your punchline ideas and focus on making a couple of punches in a verse so you can execute them better rather than having every line as a punch. Think of things/places/people that everyone knows so you have an advantage because you know more about it, that way you have a couple of options working out which direction you'll go with.

uhm yeah ^true story, but to add on real quick, ive learned that punchline focused styles require alot of effort in the delivery depaartment, which means like, if i have a 8 line verse and every other bar im tryna set up a punchline, i dont have much room to play with, so shit gets rushed thats why most punchline rappers if they drop a solid punchline verse, its long so they have more material to play with, you can be more creative and you can kinda weave the verse together so that everything still makes since and u werent just droppin hard, but completely and udderly meaningless punches that jersey battle rapper arsonal (grind time rapper, lionz den champ, fight klub champ) he does that alot, he says some creative off the wall shit sometimes, but if u think about it its jus a bunch of hard random punches with no relevant filler, which is garbage i cant listen to that kinda shit all the fuckin time u kno?

so baisically man with a short drop like this ME PERSONALLY, i would pick to raw, hard as "ideas" and develop them, work on like foreshadowing your punches and shit so that when someone reads it it comes off smoother cause its like u set it up, it jus makes for better showcasing. i would focus on like one hard body punch to close it, spend the first few lines openin it up but say some hard shit to catch the attention of whoevers reading, and to make a goood impression leave um with a short and sweet hard hittin mind blowin punch, and thats how ull get recognized homee, ur on the right track though jus dont start tryna turn everything into a punch,



DELIVERY,
CREATIVITY,
DEVELOPMENT,
AND TIMING<

4 of the most important things to take into consideration when buliding a punch-or a punchline oriented verse,

but thats jus my opinion

[classthe_king]

You need to start listening to Punchline rappers if you want to use punchlines.

[WakeUpShow]

^thanks for all the feedback guys. and do you at least think a couple of the lines were decent? even if they didn't work together very well

[HipHopHead]

^thanks for all the feedback guys. and do you at least think a couple of the lines were decent? even if they didn't work together very well

You're still on the punches a beginner would use. Everyone runs through the simple stuff at first. A play on week/weak or maybe. Stuff like that. Keep trying.

[WakeUpShow]

^thanks for all the feedback guys. and do you at least think a couple of the lines were decent? even if they didn't work together very well

You're still on the punches a beginner would use. Everyone runs through the simple stuff at first. A play on week/weak or maybe. Stuff like that. Keep trying.

ok thanks

[Strictt Ame]

The punches were ok in and of themselves but for a punchline to be effective you need to focus just as much on the way you set it up..having the idea is only 1/3 of the battle, you need to set it up and deliver it in the correct way..to me this looked like you sat down and thought up some concepts and just jotted them down with the first rhyme that came to mind..

Not bad just need to work on the set up and delivery of the punch..happy new year

[WakeUpShow]

The punches were ok in and of themselves but for a punchline to be effective you need to focus just as much on the way you set it up..having the idea is only 1/3 of the battle, you need to set it up and deliver it in the correct way..to me this looked like you sat down and thought up some concepts and just jotted them down with the first rhyme that came to mind..

Not bad just need to work on the set up and delivery of the punch..happy new year

thanks alot for the feedback. happy new year

[Edge]

i like the saran wrap line, you had some nice ideas, just dont force it and set it up a little better

[WakeUpShow]

i like the saran wrap line, you had some nice ideas, just dont force it and set it up a little better

thanks man