Another song for my dad

[sneekyaddman88]

That ask him how he’s doin, they ask him how he’s feeling
And he just lies through his teeth and tells them that he’s healing
He just talks it down like there’s nothing wrong with his body
I’m not a doctor so I need some help from anybody
Cause his body is trying to quit, even a blind man can see
Fillin his body with that shit, his time of life has to be
A little shorter than predicted, I can see a handful of years
The pain of death is now inflicted; I can fill a landfill with tears
Cause your head is in the toilet just flushing out your food and poison
Sounds like your dying in there, throwin up, making noise and
Fillin my head with fear, cause all that yaking isn’t normal
You may even have liver disease, I’m just trying to be formal
I know it pains you to see, the path your dad had to take
Being hooked up to a machine, bottles of pills to intake
I thought that be enough, for you to kick the habit
Cause if you saw me light one up, I know you come at me and slap it
And you say how strong you dad was, that’s how he lived so long
Will to be honest I don’t see that strength in you, don’t take offense to that at all
Just try to look ahed in life, and to be present at my wedding
And having laughs with your grandkid, and taking pictures of them sledding
But the path your going down right now, I don’t know where you heading
I’ll guess ill start to look at caskets with the nicest bedding
This isn’t just a call out for you to stop your smoking ways
I’m also talking about how you fill a cup of vodka everyday
“god” blessed you enough to give your body clear lungs
but your fucking up your liver, with the poison sliding down your tongue
so one last time I ask you please, dad do this for me
prove your love for me is great, and let your habits be.

please comment

[Poison Ivy]

Not bad, I see you tried copying Eminem with the "they ask" part cause in Difficult he says "They ask me am I okay", "They ask me if I'm happy".. & so on, but this was a nice piece here sorry for the way your dad is feeling right now.

[mdemaz]

That was pretty good actually...But I was getting a feeling that you were all over the place a bit in the middle..
Just my opinion anyway.
Overall it was good.

[sneekyaddman88]

Not bad, I see you tried copying Eminem with the "they ask" part cause in Difficult he says "They ask me am I okay", "They ask me if I'm happy".. & so on, but this was a nice piece here sorry for the way your dad is feeling right now.

lol yea that song was in my head when i started writting so it just came out.

[sneekyaddman88]

That was pretty good actually...But I was getting a feeling that you were all over the place a bit in the middle..
Just my opinion anyway.
Overall is was good.

Can you explain the middle part. but thanks for the opinion. i dont see my self as writter or anything but i get curious as to what ppl would think. but thanks

[mdemaz]

Nah it's all good man..Sometimes it's good to release these emotions sometimes.

[Pauly D]

I see you have alot of love and care for your dad. It's a nice rhyme, and I'm glad that he's a topic you can write about so openly and freely

[sneekyaddman88]

I see you have alot of love and care for your dad. It's a nice rhyme, and I'm glad that he's a topic you can write about so openly and freely

thanks man that meens alot. latley his habits have been bothering/ scaring me that i like expressing it on paper. i used to put other raps at eminem.com. not as personal but i didnt like that forum. i trusted people here would be honest so i do share some on here. thanks for the opinion. tell unsure if i ever want to share what i write with him though.

[Mr. Chambers]

closed for no link of feedback.