Fresh verse, tried something new w/ the punchlines rate plz

[RainMan44]

Feedback viewtopic.php?f=24&t=108386&p=1524057#p1524057



Dudes always thinkin' I'm a cool cat, till I cock the tool back
And have the fuckers quickly peelin' off like a new tat
Keep thinkin' I'm pussy 'cause I only attack when provoked
I'll slap you silly and leave fingermarks on the back of your throat
Spit in ya face and put the motherfuckin' gat to your coat
Only then will you realize it's about to go down like Shaq in a boat
Then you'll scream "I don't want beef son, don't blast the heat!"
Don't put a slug in my cerebrum, just smash my teeth!"
So please, go ahead, lets beef....disrespect me
And in due time you'll get 2 nines on your back like Gretzky
And then I'll just kick back & watch you beg like a legit coward
Have my crew snatch ya chain and yell "that shit's ours"
I'll keep the pain to a minimum, just make you beg for mercy for a long time
Break a couple fingers so you won't try and throw up the wrong signs
So be warned, and know that just 'cause I'm a quiet type cat
It don't mean if I get dissed I won't try and fight back




Just 'cause people think I'm quiet I can always be taken advantage of

P.s I know the Shaq and tattoo metaphors are wack...w.e just fillers I guess lol

[mdemaz]

Hmm......
Almost identical to your other stuff.
Better punches though..
Don't be scared to force them also.
Sometimes It can seem profound.

[RainMan44]

Hmm......
Almost identical to your other stuff.
Better punches though..
Don't be scared to force them also.
Sometimes It can seem profound.

Thanks man and I'm going to try and just write a whole page of punches tonight...I will eventually come up with a couple good ones

[Master Chief]

Actually, the Shaq line was simple but fucking hilarious. It was good imagery imo. I just pictured Shaq with his signature smile, standing there while a boat slowly sinks

Multis on point as always. Keep it up.

[RainMan44]

Actually, the Shaq line was simple but fucking hilarious. It was good imagery imo. I just pictured Shaq with his signature smile, standing there while a boat slowly sinks

Multis on point as always. Keep it up.

Lmao once you mention the smile and shit, I guess it does sound funny. Simple, yet funny like you said.
And thanks for the feedback dude

[classthe_king]

You got some pretty good rhymes in there and I liked the gretzky punch but you need to work on your flow. I don't know if this was written to a beat or not but it seemed off to me.

[RainMan44]

You got some pretty good rhymes in there and I liked the gretzky punch but you need to work on your flow. I don't know if this was written to a beat or not but it seemed off to me.

Yep, I wrote it without a beat. I usually do it like that and then once I find a beat I fix the structure of the rhymes up. Thanks for the feedback btw

[RainMan44]

BUUUUUMP

[RainMan44]

BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUmPPPPPPPPPPPP

[RainMan44]

BUMPPP

[Static]

You got some pretty good rhymes in there and I liked the gretzky punch but you need to work on your flow. I don't know if this was written to a beat or not but it seemed off to me.

Yep, I wrote it without a beat. I usually do it like that and then once I find a beat I fix the structure of the rhymes up. Thanks for the feedback btw

Haha, I do the exact same thing

Anyways, as for the verse, my favorite punches where probably these two:

Keep thinkin' I'm pussy 'cause I only attack when provoked
I'll slap you silly and leave fingermarks on the back of your throat
(That reminds me of some good old Em )

And

I'll keep the pain to a minimum, just make you beg for mercy for a long time
Break a couple fingers so you won't try and throw up the wrong signs

The rhyming kind of seemed a bit forced on the last one, but I don't see how you could've pulled it off orthwise, so it doesn't really matter much.

But yeah, great verse! Some awesome punches and multies in there! Good job

[RainMan44]

You got some pretty good rhymes in there and I liked the gretzky punch but you need to work on your flow. I don't know if this was written to a beat or not but it seemed off to me.

Yep, I wrote it without a beat. I usually do it like that and then once I find a beat I fix the structure of the rhymes up. Thanks for the feedback btw

Haha, I do the exact same thing

Anyways, as for the verse, my favorite punches where probably these two:

Keep thinkin' I'm pussy 'cause I only attack when provoked
I'll slap you silly and leave fingermarks on the back of your throat
(That reminds me of some good old Em )

And

I'll keep the pain to a minimum, just make you beg for mercy for a long time
Break a couple fingers so you won't try and throw up the wrong signs

The rhyming kind of seemed a bit forced on the last one, but I don't see how you could've pulled it off orthwise, so it doesn't really matter much.

But yeah, great verse! Some awesome punches and multies in there! Good job

Haha thanks alot for the feedback man, appreciate it