KILL SHIT

[Willy]

Yo, Yo, yo yo yo

creative writing might get raped because I'm bored/
making you fucking suckers behave when you write yours/
I'm five four, still getting sucked by a blind whore/
she said my dick in inches is like yours but nine more/
I wipe the floor with you rappers cuz i spit raw/
i'm sick dawg, hiring lumberjacks when i shit logs/
the kind of guy thats skydiving while writing rhymes and/
forgets to parachute because he doesn't know how to end the last line of his song he is puzzled, jigsaw

[tjvatikaki21]

I like it, nice rhyming dude

[Eedee]

Yo, Yo, yo yo yo

creative writing might get raped because I'm bored/
making you fucking suckers behave when you write yours/
I'm five four, still getting sucked by a blind whore/
she said my dick in inches is like yours but nine more/
I wipe the floor with you rappers cuz i spit raw/
i'm sick dawg, hiring lumberjacks when i shit logs/
the kind of guy thats skydiving while writing rhymes and/
forgets to parachute because he doesn't know how to end the last line of his song he is puzzled, jigsaw

Rather short, but the rhyming was nice. I highlighted the main rhyme schemes. The LARGE colored words, I think would've gone better if you had said "...wipe floors" as it would've gone with your initial rhyme scheme!


Anyway, this was fun to read. Nice little multies, good flow.

[Willy]

Thanks

[Willy]

The run on ending was really awkward and forced, the rhymes were subpar, and it was really short.

I suggest writing to a beat to help get a rhythm going. The rhymes will flow much better.

Not bad for a first drop (I think, never seen you post)

Run on ending was intentionally awkward and long. Rhyming was better than you think:

creative writing/might get raped - inverse
making you fuck(ers)/suckers behave - inverse
kind of guy/ writing rhymes
skydiving/while writing

It was really short though. And I don't mean to sound arrogant or douchey at all, I just didn't feel your criticism was applicable. As far as rhyming is concerned in general, I feel like content is more important anyways. I thought some of the lines were kind of funny and strung this together :P

Thanks for the feedback though.

[Willy]

Yo, Yo, yo yo yo

creative writing might get raped because I'm bored/
making you fucking suckers behave when you write yours/
I'm five four, still getting sucked by a blind whore/
she said my dick in inches is like yours but nine more/
I wipe the floor with you rappers cuz i spit raw/
i'm sick dawg, hiring lumberjacks when i shit logs/
the kind of guy thats skydiving while writing rhymes and/
forgets to parachute because he doesn't know how to end the last line of his song he is puzzled, jigsaw

Rather short, but the rhyming was nice. I highlighted the main rhyme schemes. The LARGE colored words, I think would've gone better if you had said "...wipe floors" as it would've gone with your initial rhyme scheme!


Anyway, this was fun to read. Nice little multies, good flow.

I was thinking about changing it to "wipe floors" but the extra syllable in "wipe the floor" adds extra cadence, allowing me to flow better. Also, I think the actual saying is "wipe the floor". . . but I definitely gave what you suggested some thought while I was writing the shit - good eye.

[Willy]

I got ya, and yeah there is definitely room for improvement. The joke was I didn't know how to end the line so I kept writing and writing then just threw a comma in there and rhymed it with "shit logs". I guess its only funny to me, lol.

[Eedee]

@Willy

Definitely get what you're saying! However, couldn't you add another word to make for the lost "the" for flow? Besides, "wipe floors" isn't too far off "wipe the floor" so the intent of the phrase would stay the same. There's always ways to make sure a rhyme scheme is used to full potential looking forward to your next drop!

Whoah, just realized you didn't post feed! Might wanna get on that before this gets closed/deleted.