The TRshady Forum became read-only in December 2014. The 10 year history will live on, in this archive.
Continue the discussion with the new home for the Eminem and Hip Hop discussion: HipHopShelter.com.

Mooning the moonlight lite night

Want to share a poem, story or a moving article? Share creative literature text here.

Mooning the moonlight lite night

Postby Purple23Haze » Jan 24th, '09, 01:40

This is my world
I’ll tell you why
Cause it’s a pearl
And I’m that guy
with a passion for Christ
A straight passion for life
passion for his people
As I paint on my easel
Lyrically I speak feeble
Spiritually I defeat evil
Seriously I leave heat though
My son one way
I’m sunning the day
Mooning the moonlight lite night
Saying the man on the moon is white
And that’s gotta be alright
cause everything I said is all right
The way may be difficult at times
But Jesus will always be there
In a frame! is the only place he’d be square
I still be rare…………………..
what’s me weakness telekinesis
I can’t achieve this
lost flow but believe it’s
Succeeded superfluous
A trooper you knew this
Purple23Haze
Trailer Trash
Trailer Trash
 
Posts: 253
Joined: Dec 7th, '07, 23:44

Re: Mooning the moonlight lite night

Postby Ka0t1c » Jan 24th, '09, 01:50

not bad, some people may complain about the structure but that's ur choice , pretty good job man :y:
oh yeah... and thanks for nothing too
User avatar
Ka0t1c
Role Model
Role Model
 
Posts: 3919
Joined: Nov 16th, '05, 08:28
Location: Hell, Room #5150
Gender: Male

Re: Mooning the moonlight lite night

Postby Solace » Jan 24th, '09, 16:52

Improving man :y: Lyrics were nice cept sometimes the flow went off cause you changed the rhyme scheme suddenly. 7/10.
Image
User avatar
Solace
Bad Influence
Bad Influence
 
Posts: 19901
Joined: Apr 25th, '08, 03:12
Gender: Male

Re: Mooning the moonlight lite night

Postby Purple23Haze » Jan 24th, '09, 17:19

Thanx epiph I'm not sure if it was this one but I even acknowledge that the flow isn't consistant I just need some beats so I can put together a song then you'll see it actually works but thank you I appreciate the feed
Purple23Haze
Trailer Trash
Trailer Trash
 
Posts: 253
Joined: Dec 7th, '07, 23:44


Return to Creative Writing



Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users