[NEW] The Garbage Song (not literally)

[SajN]

The Garbage Song sounds wrong lol

Just a note: It's a contest here in Norway. It's about writing a rap and recording it about the garbage people throw away in our city etc... And if you are top 10 you win something..

Here is something I've started. If you have some ideas for a line, or wanna fix something I've written, or anything else, just bring it

the comma indicates a little pause


Imagine a place that is disgraced by shit/
Junk and smell, chasing kids/
You think you just imagine it/
Why even bother changing it/
But hey, you’ll probably get amazed by this/
Open your eyes, there it is/
The place with shit that you just pictured/
Oslo.. so ugly, who’s gon fix up/
I can’t clean this shit all by myself/
So here I am, waiting for you guys to help/

[Tomega]

you lost the competition by saying 'shit'

i dont care.. the judge does

[SajN]

Nah, they said we can use shit and fuck. But fuck cant be used as something like "fuck you" or "fuck her ass"..
Shit is allowed to use, they gave some examples we could add in our song, and shit was included in one of them.

[mcZu]

Not bad, got the message across, rhyming was above average, you could consider trowing in some wordplay.. But nontheless it's quite good

[SajN]

thank you

[Emadyville]

Interesting topic to say the least, but you did well, rhymes were decent, I think it should be longer or no? Idk all the rules for this. Good shit tho.

[SajN]

It's not the whole verse.
It has to be a 3-4 minutes song, so I have to write more


Thank you for checking out

[Ka0t1c]

at the very end so it rhymes better and to use as a multi, for you guys to COME help, that way it keeps the smooth consistent flow

[MC Anonymous]

Very basic, idk that's all that needs to be said. 5/10

[Ka0t1c]

maybe i could ghostwrite this for you...

can you imagine a place that smells
as if it were rotting like the people abandoned this town
and not face what's bad cuz they're down
well that's Oslo which may not sound too awful until
you get a taste of our hell, then you could say you can tell

who created this, where nasal sprays won't help
cuz still your nostrils will swell, it's real
how's it to be dealt with cuz now's a big deal
somehow we must for my country i feel
become involved, so all the junk we can shield
from ourselves by cleaning up in the fields

[James R.]

it is really basic, but it does keep its focus which is the most important thing. You should keep it basic until you finish the song and THEN go back through and start rewording shit and making multies and stuff like that. You're not going to want to get too mystical with this shit because it'll go over their heads. Basic wordplay and metaphors will do you good. Basic 2-4 syllable multies as well.

Anon, what kinda whack ass feed was that? lol

[MC Anonymous]

it is really basic, but it does keep its focus which is the most important thing. You should keep it basic until you finish the song and THEN go back through and start rewording shit and making multies and stuff like that. You're not going to want to get too mystical with this shit because it'll go over their heads. Basic wordplay and metaphors will do you good. Basic 2-4 syllable multies as well.

Anon, what kinda whack ass feed was that? lol

LOL got lazy

[SajN]

Thanks ya'll



James, I agree, that was a wack ass feed >_>


I've never done metaphors and wordplays so I am not sure how it "works"




More people more

[Ka0t1c]

Sajn, did u read my last post??? i don't mind if u use it all, some, most of it or none, i just want to know what u think

[SajN]

Oh, I didn't see it.

The flow is different for me.
I think I'll grab something of it if I get stuck