despair

[gutawafang]

beyond repair, i'm feeding on despair
i'm tearing my hair, scaring myself
i need consolation, words of salvation
i express shits in dictation, poetic decorations
i need you to feel this, cuz i'ma kill this
tell me if you wanna steal this, cuz i will diss
save me, i don't need the flowers you gave me
tissues neither, i wanna rant and rave
prepare me a coffin, then renovate my grave
i'm breathing my last coughing, "it is all fate" engraved
my eyes squint, then they came to a close
my mind sprints, it seems a shame adios
wait, i think i need God to help me up
i pray cuz i think i got to, He kept me up
i see the light, breathed it clean, i hover
i feel so light, like in a dream, whatever.

[Ka0t1c]

this is a very well constructed rhyme that i enjoyed rapping out, for me it was on point and nothing hurt this piece, i just wish it were longer so i could rap some more from it. well done

[gutawafang]

this is a very well constructed rhyme that i enjoyed rapping out, for me it was on point and nothing hurt this piece, i just wish it were longer so i could rap some more from it. well done

Thank you so much, Kaotic. How could i improve? LOL. Cuz what i believe is that it kinda sucks...

[Ka0t1c]

i love the random thoughts, that scatter when you feel as if you have writer's block, i didn't see any major issues to this to be honest, just improve on using less of the same words like how you used "this" and the word "up", but at least u didn't use em too much. your vocab was above average, maybe u should focus on a flow that is enjoyable, meaning less fractures where u have to break and restart again. complex lyrics are difficult to construct but if you check out my pieces, you may find something which can help u understand more in depth as to what i'm talking about, don't stop believing, your rhymes are better than u may think right now, but i agree that they can be far greater, just give it some time and just be yourself.

[gutawafang]

i like the idea of "restart again". LOL. I've never thought of editing, I just write and write, and leave things at that. Thank you, I'ma be myself yeah.

Thanks Chaotic!

[Ka0t1c]

(cough cough) Kaotic (cough cough)

[Slim Zaddy]

that's was pretty good man ,, the structured is pretty good, rhymes schemes are great ,, i could flow with in different ways .. i told ya . you got skills .. keep writing homie ..

[gutawafang]

prepare me a coffin, then renovate my grave

I like that line alot for some reason, I thought it was nice but the flow changed to quickly some times but it didn't take much away from it, good drop

thank you for even taking your time to read man. and thanks for quoting that. I appreciate this.

[James R.]

Very nice. I agree with Kaotic about rapping it out loud. It was very enjoyable and I think it's probably my favorite piece that you've done. The rhyming wasn't perfect in a technical sense, but it was perfect for this. I loved that renovate my grave line. It was very creative to me and just had some spark to it. Damn good job on that bro. Keep practicing man and see if you can keep this kinda style (the rhyme scheme and flow) because you do it quite well.

[gutawafang]

Very nice. I agree with Kaotic about rapping it out loud. It was very enjoyable and I think it's probably my favorite piece that you've done. The rhyming wasn't perfect in a technical sense, but it was perfect for this. I loved that renovate my grave line. It was very creative to me and just had some spark to it. Damn good job on that bro. Keep practicing man and see if you can keep this kinda style (the rhyme scheme and flow) because you do it quite well.

Thanks man. Though I'm considered a caprice when I rhyme, I will try my very best to keep this up man.

[MC Anonymous]

Very nice. I agree with Kaotic about rapping it out loud. It was very enjoyable and I think it's probably my favorite piece that you've done. The rhyming wasn't perfect in a technical sense, but it was perfect for this. I loved that renovate my grave line. It was very creative to me and just had some spark to it. Damn good job on that bro. Keep practicing man and see if you can keep this kinda style (the rhyme scheme and flow) because you do it quite well.

...FUCK YOU JAMES... second time you take the words out of my mouth lol
I agree with James.

[gutawafang]

Very nice. I agree with Kaotic about rapping it out loud. It was very enjoyable and I think it's probably my favorite piece that you've done. The rhyming wasn't perfect in a technical sense, but it was perfect for this. I loved that renovate my grave line. It was very creative to me and just had some spark to it. Damn good job on that bro. Keep practicing man and see if you can keep this kinda style (the rhyme scheme and flow) because you do it quite well.

...FUCK YOU JAMES... second time you take the words out of my mouth lol
I agree with James.

ARIGATO.