dear Dawn Yeoh

[gutawafang]

i dedicate this song to you
my sweet, most pretty Dawn Yeoh
i've been infatuated with your beauty, on hold
i'm in love with you, do you need my font bold

you're like the ocean, cause me to sway to beat
triggers my emotions, making my rhymes complete
you're attraction, in my eyes no objections
lyrical reactions, i write in perfection

you increase my cardio speed, extend my miracle screed
i'll honour you with my steed, will you please not recede
i'm kneeling, respecting you cuz you're an Angel
feelings i'm revealing, like you are my Rachel

i love you Dawn, from the bottom end of my heart
if you read this, maybe we could consider friendship a start
here's a melodic rose, splendid song to admire
my rhapsodic dose, suspended strongest desire

[James R.]

I like this a lot as well. You're on fire man. Great flow, good emotion, one of the most original love songs I've ever read I think. Some of the lines were so simple, but so effective (like the ocean line) and some of your word use is GREAT man. You really expressed yourself on this one. Good job man.

[gutawafang]

I like this a lot as well. You're on fire man. Great flow, good emotion, one of the most original love songs I've ever read I think. Some of the lines were so simple, but so effective (like the ocean line) and some of your word use is GREAT man. You really expressed yourself on this one. Good job man.

Thank you Sir. I really WANT to improve further. So, can you tell me exactly which phrases I suck at? What I hope to see are the bad things.

Well, thanks for the feed anyways.

[MC Anonymous]

I like this a lot as well. You're on fire man. Great flow, good emotion, one of the most original love songs I've ever read I think. Some of the lines were so simple, but so effective (like the ocean line) and some of your word use is GREAT man. You really expressed yourself on this one. Good job man.

Co-sign

[gutawafang]

I like this a lot as well. You're on fire man. Great flow, good emotion, one of the most original love songs I've ever read I think. Some of the lines were so simple, but so effective (like the ocean line) and some of your word use is GREAT man. You really expressed yourself on this one. Good job man.

Co-sign

Thanks man.

Love ya'll man.

[James R.]

I like this a lot as well. You're on fire man. Great flow, good emotion, one of the most original love songs I've ever read I think. Some of the lines were so simple, but so effective (like the ocean line) and some of your word use is GREAT man. You really expressed yourself on this one. Good job man.

Thank you Sir. I really WANT to improve further. So, can you tell me exactly which phrases I suck at? What I hope to see are the bad things.

Well, thanks for the feed anyways.

I will in future songs, but I wouldn't change anything in this one bro. I like it just how it is.

[gutawafang]

I like this a lot as well. You're on fire man. Great flow, good emotion, one of the most original love songs I've ever read I think. Some of the lines were so simple, but so effective (like the ocean line) and some of your word use is GREAT man. You really expressed yourself on this one. Good job man.

Thank you Sir. I really WANT to improve further. So, can you tell me exactly which phrases I suck at? What I hope to see are the bad things.

Well, thanks for the feed anyways.

I will in future songs, but I wouldn't change anything in this one bro. I like it just how it is.

LOL. Yes indeed. I mean, I took my time this time anyways. So...yeah. I took about 90 minutes doing this up. Cuz I really love this girl. Well, infatuated would be a better feeling for her.

Thanks again man!

[neversnooze]

gutawafang this was a beautiful write by you. it was sweet and you even included the girls name"rachel"she really is an angel being in love brings out your true words!

[gutawafang]

gutawafang this was a beautiful write by you. it was sweet and you even included the girls name"rachel"she really is an angel being in love brings out your true words!

YES indeed. Thank you neversnooze!

[Slim Zaddy]

i liked this man ,, it's sick ,, really you're on the right track .. flowed easly to me ,, it's has a very good emotion in it , you're good in expressing your emotion which is good man ,, i agree with james that some lyrics were simple , but you kept it tight ,, gd job here bro ,, keep it up

[gutawafang]

i liked this man ,, it's sick ,, really you're on the right track .. flowed easly to me ,, it's has a very good emotion in it , you're good in expressing your emotion which is good man ,, i agree with james that some lyrics were simple , but you kept it tight ,, gd job here bro ,, keep it up

Yeah, thank you z_em for taking your time, really. Thank you!