The TRshady Forum became read-only in December 2014. The 10 year history will live on, in this archive.
Continue the discussion with the new home for the Eminem and Hip Hop discussion: HipHopShelter.com.

Hypathetically

Want to share a poem, story or a moving article? Share creative literature text here.

Hypathetically

Postby Spyder » Feb 9th, '09, 02:07

hypathetically i speak poetically, live in ecstasy
and take whatevers ment for me. you sent for me?
i do what i want and rhyme as an occupation, and now
i got u more blocked than a colon cancer patient, whos
sufferin from constipation, man im waitin whens my time
every word every line seems like im running outa rhymes.
man sometimes, i just wanna give up. i feel like im stuck
in the mud and cant seem to get up. but thats all hypathetically
its not easy as 123 like they said it-would-be back in elementary.
if i had the chance to advance in my plans would i take it?
i guess speakin literally i just dont know if id make it.
we all have doubts about ourselves, and always speak sceptically
but i guess, what can you expect when we are all talkn hypathetically!

give me feedback, first rap on here not a battle so tell me how i did :sweating: :unsure:
ImageImageImage
User avatar
Spyder
Pill Popper
Pill Popper
 
Posts: 9418
Joined: Jan 31st, '09, 01:56
Location: El Dorado
Gender: Male

Re: Hypathetically

Postby gutawafang » Feb 9th, '09, 02:32

not bad man. Flows a little here and there. Work on multis yo. Anonymus could help i think. :happy:
ADD ME ON PS4: gutawafang
Currently playing: Destiny
Image
TR Rap Battle Record: 23-8
User avatar
gutawafang
Pill Popper
Pill Popper
 
Posts: 9474
Joined: Dec 13th, '07, 08:01
Location: Lion City
Gender: Male

Re: Hypathetically

Postby Slim Zaddy » Feb 9th, '09, 12:02

McMaybe wrote:Vocab made no sense. Most lines had no or little meaning... You basically just rhymed words. The flow wasn't there, and the multies weren't either.

pretty nice critice ,, these what i noticed too
Image
z_em = Slim Zaddy = Zaid AQ which is my real name
User avatar
Slim Zaddy
Role Model
Role Model
 
Posts: 3764
Joined: Aug 21st, '08, 19:42
Location: never mind
Gender: Male

Re: Hypathetically

Postby Spyder » Feb 9th, '09, 18:21

ok thanks for the feedback guys :D
ImageImageImage
User avatar
Spyder
Pill Popper
Pill Popper
 
Posts: 9418
Joined: Jan 31st, '09, 01:56
Location: El Dorado
Gender: Male


Return to Creative Writing



Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users

cron