Feel Me [1st immature attempt]

[rahul.never2far]

This is my 1st ever attempt to write rhymes n stuff.... felt like sharing with you all...

You're about to journey into the mind of the shadiest supreme
Who's deeper than you could ever imagine in your wildest dreams
It seems like you know what's in his mind but it just seems
Just waiting for someone to feel his pain and silent screams

The state of play I hate the most is everbody's eyes on me
When I'm out in the streets, everyone's lookin' me inten-tly
Probably there're just looking' but I find them starin' me
Not a soul pays attention, but this thing keeps stressin' me
I have to face it all alone 'cause aint nobody protectin' me
Everywhere I go, all and sundry, try to keep judgin' me
Try to picture me and figure out the things I'm dealin' with
Try to understand me, how I always keep ridin' the filthy
Perhaps some of you out there understand me and feelin' me
Possibly in a near future someone out there would rescue me
Rescue me, from the extraordinary demons I possess mentally
Mentally, won't possess any demon and everythin' would be empty
I hope one of these days I would be what I'm meant to be
I hope one way or another I won't be what I hate to be
The whole thing would be how the whole thing has to be
One day the whole thing would be a chapter of the history
Hopefully, I would also start livin' my life out normally
No more now pain 'cause I'm speaking my mind eventually

You're about to journey into the mind of the shadiest supreme
Who's deeper than you could ever imagine in your wildest dreams
It seems like you know what's in his mind but it just seems
Just waiting for someone to feel his pain and silent screams

Suggestions regarding how can I improve are always welcome

PS: Don't temme I modified the chorus of American Psycho by D12 'cause I know that

[TheWeirdoIsBack]

The concept was nice, I liked what you were trying to say. The rhymes were elementary though. Extremely basic. You used "me" for half the verse, and "be" for the other half. For next time, work on using some different words to rhyme with.

Not all bad for a first attempt, but practice makes perfect!

[Solace]

That was fucking DOPE for a 1st time. But i dont see how its immature? Just the whole "me me me" "be be be" thing was shitty. Keep writing as a hobby, you got really good potential!

[Ice_Scarred]

That was fucking DOPE for a 1st time. But i dont see how its immature? Just the whole "me me me" "be be be" thing was shitty. Keep writing as a hobby, you got really good potential!

I think he meant Ammature. XD! But as stated, for a first attempt, this is pretty sick. Just try 2 diversify your rhymes and vocabulary a bit.

[rahul.never2far]

Thanks for the feed guys... will surely improve next time
I would use me and be as less as possible next time....
Its funny I read the Rhyme tutorial in the Rap Battles section after posting this
Will work on multies n diversify my rhymes...
And yah... I meant ammature


But how to improve my vocabulary

[gutawafang]

Thanks for the feed guys... will surely improve next time
I would use me and be as less as possible next time....
Its funny I read the Rhyme tutorial in the Rap Battles section after posting this
Will work on multies n diversify my rhymes...
And yah... I meant ammature


But how to improve my vocabulary

Dictionary.

Well, I've read this over and over again. And I love it. Really do.
Keep it up dude.

[rahul.never2far]

Thanks for the feed guys... will surely improve next time
I would use me and be as less as possible next time....
Its funny I read the Rhyme tutorial in the Rap Battles section after posting this
Will work on multies n diversify my rhymes...
And yah... I meant ammature


But how to improve my vocabulary

Dictionary.

Well, I've read this over and over again. And I love it. Really do.
Keep it up dude.

Dictionary.... damn! Thats the only thing I hate

I'm glad you liked it... right now I'm writing another one, keeping in mind multies and not much of "me" and "be"

[¤°~ Jose ~¤°©]

it was pretty good just too simple with the be and me type rhyming scheme..

keep at it though

[rahul.never2far]

it was pretty good just too simple with the be and me type rhyming scheme..

keep at it though

I know what you mean buddy... worked on it... just finished writin' my next... just giving final touches to it... will post it here tomorrow...