The TRshady Forum became read-only in December 2014. The 10 year history will live on, in this archive.
Continue the discussion with the new home for the Eminem and Hip Hop discussion: HipHopShelter.com.

Again

Want to share a poem, story or a moving article? Share creative literature text here.

Again

Postby gutawafang » Feb 27th, '09, 08:35

Chorus x2
It's a mixed up plan to this jigsaw maze
It tricks your brain in this bleak-bore-days
I seek my rain, I delete my pain
I'ma speak my way, I'ma spit my reign

2
I can't love anyone more than you
I can't price you priceless, it's not you
I can't say your name, you'll be confused
E-N-O-V-I-E, Cliff Hanger refused

I can't stare no more at Food Court Six
I have Despair no more, White Bitch shall distort shit
My mind's on three minutes to detonation
No one can save me, I mean it's Destination (Final Destination)

Is this desperation, no it's devastation
Jealous-ation, prolly abberation
My rhymes are bricks to Sistine Chapel
I fed Adam the goddamn apple

Close the gap, I suppose you mad, too bad
Approach the set, I enclose you get, boo that
Did I mention Rachel, do I have to?
She's the Elise to this beat that I rap to

Chorus x2
It's a mixed up plan to this jigsaw maze
It tricks your brain in this bleak-bore-days
I seek my rain, I delete my pain
I'ma speak my way, I'ma spit my reign

3
Ulterior motive, negative mind resets
No sign of relief, pain, it hangs on recess
Whatever I sought, still ain't in my hands
I never even fought, and never given a chance

Or was I, where was I, I'm still in this labyrinth
Trapped in this maze, confession ever since
The facts distract me lies me further
You attract me with sexy skies painted purple

Obstacles I have to leap over to cross
And statements I have to make to adjust
To the truth I have in my lies and my fucknas
Here is proof I never lied to your stuck-ness

How could I express the way you shake my little world
Undress, I lay earthquakes for this little girl
Nevertheless, you gave me chance, evanescent
Joy in my life, laughter as my medicine

Chorus x2
It's a mixed up plan to this jigsaw maze
It tricks your brain in this bleak-bore-days
I seek my rain, I delete my pain
I'ma speak my way, I'ma spit my reign

I wrote this to Nas' I Can Instrumental. I won't record because I simply don't got a mike. Tell me what ya'll think. :happy:
ADD ME ON PS4: gutawafang
Currently playing: Destiny
Image
TR Rap Battle Record: 23-8
User avatar
gutawafang
Pill Popper
Pill Popper
 
Posts: 9474
Joined: Dec 13th, '07, 08:01
Location: Lion City
Gender: Male

Re: Again

Postby Slim Zaddy » Feb 27th, '09, 12:17

i think you should get a mic and record it , cuz it fit on audio better .. lines were short , lyrics were simple , but you kept the flow tight ,, hook is good too ..so go nd get a mic ASAP :y: :y:
Image
z_em = Slim Zaddy = Zaid AQ which is my real name
User avatar
Slim Zaddy
Role Model
Role Model
 
Posts: 3764
Joined: Aug 21st, '08, 19:42
Location: never mind
Gender: Male

Re: Again

Postby neversnooze » Feb 27th, '09, 22:54

this was well written , short and sweet. after the second chorus, it got alittle shaky. the flow and structure was written good. your comparisons kept the meaning and emotion in place

8.5/10 someone should sing this :whistle:
Sometimes I stay up so late that I have my morning coffee before I go to bed
User avatar
neversnooze
Soldier
Soldier
 
Posts: 997
Joined: Jun 11th, '08, 17:00
Gender: Male

Re: Again

Postby gutawafang » Feb 28th, '09, 15:00

Thank you guys. I will buy a mic soon then! :happy:
ADD ME ON PS4: gutawafang
Currently playing: Destiny
Image
TR Rap Battle Record: 23-8
User avatar
gutawafang
Pill Popper
Pill Popper
 
Posts: 9474
Joined: Dec 13th, '07, 08:01
Location: Lion City
Gender: Male

Re: Again

Postby gutawafang » Mar 1st, '09, 04:05

I require more feeds, please? :happy:
ADD ME ON PS4: gutawafang
Currently playing: Destiny
Image
TR Rap Battle Record: 23-8
User avatar
gutawafang
Pill Popper
Pill Popper
 
Posts: 9474
Joined: Dec 13th, '07, 08:01
Location: Lion City
Gender: Male


Return to Creative Writing



Who is online

Users browsing this forum: Bing [Bot]

cron